The Griffin Family move to Konoha!
by RaDiCaLmE
Summary: After another one of Peter's mishaps, the Griffin family moves to Konoha! Peter makes a great friendship with Naruto and becomes a genin,Brian is mistaken as Akamaru, Meg wants Sasuke to notice her, and Stewie partners with Orochimaru to destroy people!
1. Watched

_I don't own Family Guy or Naruto._

_---_

_**Chapter 1**_

_**Watched**_

It was a usual normal day in Quahog. Well...by usual, I mean Peter was doing something stupid again that would get people hurt. AS USUAL.

"Dad, just because you got your driver's license taken away again does not mean I'm going to let you ride me to your job." Meg said.

"Come on, it'll be fun! It'll be like a Father and Son adventure!"

"You mean Father and Daughter?"

Peter stared at her for a moment before deciding to fall on top of her.

**"OH MY GOD, DAD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"**

"You have have to get up and carry me if you wanna make it to work." He explained, before noticing how quiet Meg was becoming. "And no sleeping! Slacking is _BAD."_

---

Meanwhile....

Two unseen figures were staring down at the crystal ball. Peter could be seen calmly lying on top his screaming daughter. Or son. They couldn't tell which.

"You wanna get this guy to the leaf village?"

"Of course, it will be much easier to take over Konoha with a fat man like him around. The perfect distraction!"

"Ok...but how do we get him there?"

"...Figure something out."

"What!? Why me?"

"Because, if you don't you could end up with a kunai up your **ass.**"

"........"

---

**"GET OFF!!"** Meg cried, managing to crawl from her prison of obeseity. "NOT COOL, DAD. NOT COOL!"

"Meg, don't be such a drama king!" Peter called, before heaving a great sigh, "I guess I'll be walking to work by myself then..."

The window at Chris's bedroom shot open, The Evil Monkey was pointing his finer menacingly at Peter.

"Hey! You wanna go with me to work?" Peter called to it. The Monkey only stared at him, then flipped him off, then slammed the window shut.

"Well, I'm off then!"

And so, the fat man of this tale turned and walked away-unknown to what would happen this very day...

_----_

_I know. Short Chapter! Didn't have time to make it longer, but I will add 2 soon! PWEASE REVIEW!_


	2. A Crime!

_See? Didn't I say I'd get this up soon? Enjoy!_

_---_

_**Chapter Two**_

_**A Crime!**_

Peter continued walking all the way to work, since it was in the city that meant that this journey would take MUCH longer. What made him feel worse was that nobody wanted to help him.

"My family doesn't even love me! This must be how George Bush felt during Obama's inauguration..."

_---_

_Crowds were everywhere, cheering at all the members of Congress. They stopped abruptly as their familiar ex-president came along._

_"Heeeey everybody!"_

_They frowned at him._

_"Aw come on, ya know your gonna miss me, right?"_

_"YOU SUCK!"_

_"Aw, come on now! Is that really any way to act to a person who cared for you over four years?"_

_A glass bottle was thrown at Bush, knocking him onto the streets._

_---_

Peter stopped walking and looked down to find a kunai lying on the ground.

"**OMG OMFG**! I remember seeing this in those cool ninja weapon shows!"

He bent down to pick it up but as soon as he did so, it slid away a few feet. He didn't seem to notice it had a string attached at the handle.

"Oh my god, it must have _magical powers!_ EVEN BETTER!" He continued to follow it as the weapon raced down a hill and by the nearest Bank of America. It had finally stopped!

"AH-HAH! _Gotcha, ya little kunai_!" Some distance away from him, he did not notice a figure with glasses and gray hair in a low ponytail running towards him and carrying sacks full of money.

"Robbing a bank to get a fat guy in trouble, unbelievable!" He stopped immediately, noticing Peter. "You...! _The Kunai Luring Technique_ worked!"

"Do you wanna walk with me to work?"

In response, the boy threw the money in Peter's hands and ran off. Joe and another policeman appeared from nowhere.

"Look, he has the money! Get him!"

"Oh god, not another Scooby-Doo chasing scene!" Peter said worriedly. The _James Bond_ theme could be heard in the background. "Much better!"

And he was off, running as fast as he could! Joe was rolling past him as fast as he could roll. Her reached out his hands, and managed to grab onto the money while rolling along side. _**"A CRIME OF LIFE NEVER PAYS, PETER!!"**_

"I just wanted a kunai, Joe! Like when Hades wanted Persephone to go out with him!"

---

_Persephone was sitting on a rock reading, it was a Greek-like scene with her in robes Then Hades came to her on his dark possessed horse._

_"Yo, chick! You-me-right now!"_

_"...What?"_

_"I mean right now, you and I-"_

_"Ugh, no!"_

_"Come on, you can have a horse! Look, I named this one Mickey. Say hi, Mickey!"_

_**"ALL WILL PERISH AND DIE IN THEIR OWN BLOOD. BURNING YOUNGLINGS AND EATING CHURROS!!"**_

_Persephone stared._

_----_

"Your cutaways won't get you out of this mess, Peter!" Joe said.

"No, BUT THIS WILL!" Peter gave a kick at the wheel chair which toppled over sending Joe on the ground.

_**"CURSE YOU, GRIFFINNN!!!"**_

"Mwee-hee-hee!" Peter laughed as he turned a corner. He had been so busy laughing that he didn't realize that he had run right through the wall of Quagmire's, who happened to be reading the usual porn. He stopped and turned to him.

**"QUAGMIRE, YOU GOTTA HELP ME!"**

"Hey, Peter! Walked in on Louis when she was PMS-ing? OH! _Giggity giggity goo!"_

"Um...no, but Joe thinks I robbed some blank and he's gonna kill me or anyone who tries to help me! You gotta hide me!"

"Sure Peter, I'll help!"

"Really?"

_Thirty-seven minutes later...._

Peter was sitting in a jail cell. He looked in the corner where sat somebody who looked like Elmo from _Sesame Street. _

"Um...so...you Elmo-?"

_**"NO! I...am Emo Elmo! EMO ELMO!"**_

"Um, hi there!"

_**"WHERE'S THE DARN SWIFT-BLADE?"**_

"Uh-I don't have a swift-blade. I was thrown in here 'cause the police think I robbed a bank. What about you?"

_**"I was....cutting myself again....and was in pain...Ernie saw me....tried to stop me...but I DIDN'T LIKE IT AT ALL. I DID NOTTTT LIKE IT!!!!! WHY, ERNIE!????? YOU JUST HAD TO MAKE ME GO PAST THE LINE, DIDN'T YA!!??? WHYYYY!!???"**_

_"......Officer, can I make my phone call now?"_

_---_

"Really disappointed in you, Peter." Joe said sadly as he took off Peter's handcuffs at the door of his house.

"Joe, I swear, I didn't rob that bank!"

**"Then what were you doing there at the time, hmmm!!?"**

"For your information, _I _happened to find a magical kunai that led me to some guy who looked like Harry Potter!" Peter crossed his arms and smile, as if his story had sounded convincing.

"See you in court," Joe replied rolling away, "Oh, and tell Louis she's a **SKANK!!**

**"OH YEAH!?** Well, at least my wife hasn't been pregnant for eight years! THAT POOR BABY COULD BE DEAD BY NOW!"

But Joe was already gone, and Peter was angry. Plus, he began talking to himself again.

_"This is unbelievable! _Now I apparently robbed a bank? Even had to ask my own Mom to get me outta there 'cause I couldn't face Louis...What could get worse!?"

A thud came as a rock suddenly hit the back of his head and he fell down face flat. A certain 'Harry Potter' looking ninja came running from behind, holding a bucket of water and a brochure. He threw the brochure on top of the body, splashed some water at him then vanished! Peter got up, rubbing his head before picking up the brochure and reading it.

_**Konoha: THE HIDDEN LEAF VILLAGE!**_

_**Where everyone starts there training as a shinobi genin, the chunin, THE JOUNIN!**_

_**See the faces of the past five Hokages, including our current one, and apply your children at the Academy to enroll as a great shinobi!**_

Written to the side in sloppy marker said **A GrEaT nEw PlAcE tO sTaRt A nEw LiFe.**

Despite not knowing what a shinobi was, a grin appeared on his face-because he new what that last part meant! He hurried inside excitedly to tell the rest of the family...

---

The figure appeared in the room seeing his master, panting in exhaustion.

"Has the deed been done?" asked the master.

"Yes...and I nearly got beaten for it!

"Mwahaha...excellent!"

**"NO, THAT IS NOT EXCELLENT.** **SOME HOOKER TRIED TO** **HAVE HER WAY WITH ME! AND DO I REALLY LOOK LIKE HARRY POTTER?"**

"..._Well..."_

"...Well, at least I don't look like Michael Jackson AND Lord Voldemort at the same time-"

The servant gave a scream as a tongue shot out of the master's mouth, choking and strangling the thief.

_---_

_And there's chapter two for you! Let me explain about those two cutaways. The one with Bush idea, I had when watching that inauguration and noticing how he was trying to look cool. The second, is based on a story we read in LA of Demeter and Persephone and how Hades wanted Persephone to wed him. Next chapter, you'll start seeing more Naruto characters!_


	3. YOU GUYS ARE NINJAS?

_Sorry Chapter 3 came later than expected. I was busy and stuff, but I decided not to be lazy anymore! HOORAY!_

_---_

**Chapter 3**

_**YOU GUYS ARE NINJAS!?**_

Throwing the brochure on the couch, he hurried as fast as he could! Peter traveled throughout the house, collecting anything he could to throw in the trunk of the car. Once he had gathered their clothes, food, and other personal junk- it was then time to gather the family! But since it was midnight, they were all asleep. But he was still planning to bring them along, no doubt about that. First, he scooped up Stewie, ignoring his teddy bear and all the drawings of his mother screaming bloody murder. Then he dragged Chris and decided to quickly beat up the evil monkey in his closet for flipping him off earlier. Third was Meg, and Peter was wearing elastic gloves, a gas mask, and an apron thinking it was all necessary in order to put Meg in the car. He didn't forget to read her diary either. Then he took Brian, but noticed all the pot lying around. Assuming it was candy, Peter decided to eat it, then puke it out, then continue dragging Brian along while sobbing in pain. Last was Lois, which was easy as he carried her to the car. Oh yeah, he ESPECIALLY didn't forget her bra's. Silly perv!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lois lay under the blanket, sleeping quietly. But the peacefulness was disrupted as a voice whispered softly in her ear.

_"Lois, wanna take a vacation?"_

"Sure, whatever..." She groaned, "We'll talk about it later...."

"Really? Um, yeah...the thing is, we're nearly there..."

"What?" Lois opened her eyes. She was shocked to see she was sitting up in the front seat of the car, with Peter at the wheel. The kids with Brian were in the back, still sleeping and in their pajamas. Lois even noticed how all of them were tied up, and they seemed to be driving through the middle of no where.

**"PETER, WHAT THE HELL!?"**

"Morning, sleepy head! I stopped by Starbucks and got you some breakfast. The best thing is- I didn't eat it for you!"

_"Peter, I want to know what's going on-"_ She was cut off as a bagel was stuffed in her mouth.

"Eat, you _don't_ wanna go anorexic like Meg!"

Louis only spat out the bagel, roaring in anger,** "TELL ME WHAT YOUR DOING!!!!!"**

"Relax, I just thought the family could take a vacation! I even packed all the stuff we needed, rented an apartment, got somebody to give us a tour of the place, and signed Chris and Meg to go to some sort of academy or something retarded like that."

_"You did all that in one night?"_

"And even got through watching High School Musical!"

_----_

_Peter was sitting in the living room, watching T.V._

_**"WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER-"**_

_**"WHY IS EVERYONE SO OBSESSED WITH THIS?"**_

_"HEY! Who wants to sing again?"_

_"Must not scream.....__**SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!!!"**_

_---_

Lois took a glance at the brochure lying next to her, "We're going to A Hidden Leaf village...? Sounds Japanese, where are we now anyway?

"I dunno, followed the directions on the map, asked a few hitch-hikers where to go and forgot to take them with me. But we're getting close!"

"Guess thats why it's called hidden...but why are we all tied up?"

"In case you attempted to escape."

"Damn."

Yawning came from the back of the car, followed by the gasps, then screams.

_**"WHAT THE DEUCE IS GOING ON, YOU FAT MAN!?**_ And where's Rupert!?"

"Sorry Stewie, forgot to pack him." Peter shrugged.

**"WHAT!? You fat, unforgivable, Snorlax!!!!"**

"No pokemon-calling Stewie," Lois said sternly, "Your father apparently is taking us on a trip..."

"Could somebody at least get me up!?" Brian barked, trapped on the floor with the pairs of feet squishing him, "I can barely stretch out and my bubble's bursting!"

_"OMG, BUBBLES! WHERE!?"_ Chris cried with excitement.

"Not cool, Dad!" Meg said, "I was supposed to go to the mall today!"

The others stared at her, "..................................................."

"You know...._with my friends."_

"......................................................................................................................."

"We're like, the_ coolest _people in school! Come on!"

Everyone broke out in laughter.

_"Ah, Meg you jokester you!" _Peter said as he wiped a tear away.

Minutes had gone by as they continued driving past the forest-like scenery, which was probably why they called Konoha the "Leaf" Village. Finally, they could see from some mile away an open gateway. Despite the fact that they couldn't see all of the buildings and apartment within, from far away the entire village was surrounded by mountains. Carved in the mountains were four faces looking stern. Peter stopped the car, then got out to untie the rest of the family. But as soon as he cut the ropes- **BIG MISTAKE.** They all lunged at him like wild animals, tearing his clothes apart and damaging any part of flesh.

_**"AH-what the -stop-STOP-not there!!!" **_A crack came as Stewie dug his foot into Peter's nose,

_"That's for Rupert, you fat Brittany Spears!!"_

"Er-am I interrupting something?"

They all turned from the bloodied-up Peter awkwardly at the new voice. A man was standing there wearing a green vest over a black shirt and wore the same colored trousers with blue sandals. His skin was tannish dark, a scar was across his nose, his hair up in a pony tail, and he wore a headband with an odd symbol across it.

"I'm Iruka Sensei, I'm supposed to be giving the Griffin family a brief tour of our village...?

"Um, sorry? We had a nasty start on the way here." Brian said as he dropped Peter's twisted ankle.

**"OH MY GOD MOM, THERES AN SNAIL LYING UPSIDE DOWN ON HIS FOREHEAD!"** Chris suddenly cried, **"SOMEBODY SAVE IT!!"**

"No, this is the leaf insignia of our village. I'm guessing your Chris Griffin? I'll be teaching you and your sister at the academy to train you to become a genin!"

"What's a genin?" Meg asked.

"A genin is one of the first steps of being a shinobi. Only when you graduate you can become a genin, and if you even are ready, you can start training to become a chuinin then a jounin." He explained.

"So what's a shinobi?"

Before Iruka could answer, a boy came trudging into the scene. He had black hair and dark eyes, and wore a headband like the sensei. He had n a blue T-shirt, white shorts, and other stuff I can't remember. Meg felt an attraction toward this boy.

"Hey, Iruka Sensei..."

"Hello, Sasuke-kun! What can I do for you?"

"Naruto got himself tied to a tree."

"How'd he do that?"

_"I don't even know,_ but I need to borrow something sharp."

"*Sigh* Here," As the sensei reached into his pocket and pulled a blade out, Peter recognized it.

"Woah, wait a second! _Thats a kunai!"_

"Yes?" Iruka said.

"But...only ninjas use that!"

"I know."

"But.....that would mean your a ninja!"

"Indeed."

"Wait....THEN YOUR A NINJA!?"

"Yes I am, so is Sasuke here. Another term for shinobi-you Americans might say, is ninja."

_**"....EVERYONE IN THIS VILLAGE IS A FREAKING NINJA!?"**_

"Most, yeah."

Peter stared at him. Lois gasped. Brian raised an eyebrow. Meg thought of Sasuke topless. Chris picked his nose. Stewie, who was about to shoot Lois with a cross-bow lowered it innocently and pretended to look shocked with the rest.

_"I'm....I'm home!!_" Giving Iruka a hug, he skipped off happily inside of the village.

"Um, does he normally do that?" Iruka asked awkwardly.

"Did it to Daniel Radcliffe when he gave him a prop from the Harry Potter movies." Brian said.

"Ok."

_"Your all pathetic,"_ Sasuke groaned as he took the kunai and walked away. Meg frowned at this.

"OMG Mom, we're gonna train to be ninjas!?" Chris asked excitedly.

"I don't know if I'm comfortable with you using a weapon, Chris. Remember the butter knife?"

_---_

_Chris was sitting in the front yard holding a butter knife on top of a picnic blanket, a loaf on bread next to him and a container of butter. He scraped some butter from the container, and used one hand to hold the loaf down as if it would run away. He held the knife and-_

_Thirty minutes later..._

_Lois came into the scene,_

_"Chris, it's time for dinner-__**HOLY CRAP!!"**_

_"It hurts, Mommy!" Chris wailed, his left arm now missing._

_---_

"Mrs. Griffin, I assure you that we train our young pupils until they're well-trained and ready to fight." Iruka said.

"Well...Ok..."

"THAT SETTLES IT!" From no where, Peter appeared out of the blue, "Meg, Chris, I am going to attend this academy with you and become a ninja!"

_"Oh god no..."_ Brian moaned.

_"Peter, don't."_ Lois groaned.

"Mr. Griffin, I can understand if you want to start training as a ninja-but the academy is for the most youngest children and-"

**"I WANNA BE A NINJA! I WANNA BE A NINJA!"** He picked Meg up, throwing the screaming girl around as if she were a toy then began rolling around on the ground childishly.

_"Peter, please stop._" Lois begged.

**"I WANNA BE A NINJA! I WANNA BE A NINJA!"**

"Mr. Griffin, please!" Iruka cried, "I'm just saying you'd be the only grown adult and it'd look silly!"

**"I WANNA BE A NINJA! I WANNA BE A NINJA!"**

"Iruka Sensei, clearly he's not a grown adult." Brian said.

"But...fine, Peter if you stop complaining I can take you to Lady Tsunade to see if she'll accept it!"

"YAY!" Peter suddenly hopped off and skipped off happily, the others embarrassed as they followed him.

"This is gonna be more fun then when Bowser taught Language Arts!" Chris exclaimed.

_---_

_All children were talking to each other but stopped as Bowser came in wearing a pair of glasses._

_"Alright, you ass-lickers! Shut up, __**AND LOOK AT ME!"**_

_"....."_

_"Now, because you all failed in kidnapping Princess Peach and killing Mario-your gonna be listening to me while I read a poem by Edgar Allen Poe, or else I can get the Goomba's to hang you!"_

_"Awwww..."_

_**"WHAT THE &*%$ DID I JUST SAY!?"**_

_He held up a book, and squinted in it._

_"This guy emo or something? Screw this! You all get recess!"_

_"But we're in middle school-"_

_**"I SAID RECESS DAMMIT!"**_

_"HOORAY...?"_

_---_

_End of chapter 3! A little more cursing, a bit longer, but I hope you like it. I have nothing against Edgar Allen Poe. BUT I DO WITH HSM. And it's always been a funny joke with my friend and I if Bowser was to ever teach LA. I'll get 4 up whenevs!_


	4. A Messed up Village

_Hey, got this up now! Sorry, I was busy with stuff. I even saw the Star Trek movie, and despite I've never really watched the shows, the movie ROCKED!!!!! I LOVED IT!!!!! Trust me, u wanna see this movie EVEN if u nevs watched said show cuz of the action and humor! Expect Star Trek jokes._

**--**

**Chapter 4**

_**A Messed up Village**_

Peter came running past the rest of the family, looking excited, "Look out Konoha, 'cause here I-**WHAT THE FUJI MOUNTAIN!?"**

He had stopped, to survey this town. There were villagers everywhere in odd japanese clothes related to Iruka-sensei and Meg's new crush, Sasuke. But what was more disturbing was that there were few buildings destroyed and everything was a mess!

"This isn't how I pictured a ninja village! WHERE ARE ALL THE BEATINGS AND KILLINGS LIKE THERE SHOULD BE!?"

_---_

_Both ninjas dressed in black came walking past the road. They turned and noticed each other._

_"Hey Joe!"_

_"Simon! How ya been-" Joe suddenly threw several kunai, landing across Simon's entire body. This was before Simon had thrown a long sword which flew and landed at Joe's chest. They both chuckled._

_"Oh you!"_

_"You joker!" They then fell over bleeding._

_---_

_"This is the worst birthday ever!"_

"Its not even your birthday, you idiot." Brian pointed out as he walked along side him.

"I know, I was just trying to make a Flapjack reference."

"Let me guess, you've all been attacked by Terrorists and have barely anywhere to live now but on the streets?" Stewie guessed, "If wanted to go through this kind of crap we could've just stayed home."

_---_

_Stewie awoke from his crib with a yawn, before looking out the window to see hundreds of planes flying around the house with familiar neighbors screaming. The baby sighed, "Looks like another boring day..."_

_---_

"Pretty much." Iruka said, " We were attacked a month or so ago by these shinobi from the Hidden Sound Village during our Chuinin Exams, they were led by Orochimaru. But we've already fixed up most of the village, so it isn't that bad."

"Are you telling me one man led a bunch of bombers on an attack on a village of ninjas?"

"Well, he's _more_ of a combination of Lord Voldemort and Michael Jackson."

_Meanwhile with the mysterious men..._

**"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT!? DAMNIT!!!"**

_Back in Konoha...._

"Interesting..." Stewie said with a fascinated expression...*hint hint if you've read this story's summary*

After a while of walking around, they made it towards a large building with a stair case rotating around it towards the top. While walking along it, Iruka-sensei was explaining more of the attack.

"We had had some guests from Suna, the Hidden Sand Village. It was a team of genin and the Kazekage, who's the strongest and wisest of all shinobi in the village just like Konoha's Hokage. Buildings started blowing up, and it seemed like Suna's team had betrayed us when they Kazekage attacked the Third Hokage."

"Oh my." Lois exclaimed.

"Deary me." Peter gasped.

"Goodness gracious..." Brian said.

_**"SPOCK FOR PRESIDENT!!!!"**_

They all stared at Chris for a long moment, before continuing to listen to Iruka's tale.

"Anyway....some of our proudest shinobi stopped the genin-"

**"WOOT! BEAT DOWN TO SUNA!!!"**

"No, Mr. Griffin-"

**"GO GIANTS!"**

Brian swiped his foot at Peters, causing the fat man to fall over.

"So where does Orochimaru fit into all of this?" he questioned.

"Well, the thing is that some time after the Chuinin exams, back in Suna, they found the _real_ Kazekage dead. So Orochimaru had disguised himself as the Kazekage and led the Sand Village to attack us on his orders."

"So then what happened to Orochimaru if the team of Shinobi were stopped?" Lois asked.

"Ha! Our old Hokage went and drove him and those other bastards from the Hidden Sound village outta here!"

_"YAY!"_ The family cheered.

"But ended up dead...."

_"Awwww..."_

"Hello, Iruka-sensei!!!" came cheery voice as a young woman with short hair dressed in black came skipping over.

"Good morning, Shizune-san. You are here escort the Griffins to Lady Tsunade?"

"Yessum. Hello, you must be Peter-kun!!!!"

"...Um...no, it's Peter."

"Peter-kun?"

"No, Peter _Griffin."_

"Peter Griffin_-kun?"_

_"NO, IT'S JUST PETER."_

_"..........Peter-chan?"_

**"NO!!!! ITS JUST PETER!!!!!"**

"...............Bogdan?"

_"......Close enough."_

They turned a corner, following the rather happy woman as she led them to a door and knocked on it.

"Come in."

"Lady Tsunade, I'm here with the Griffins from Quahog." Shizune said as she opened the door and walked through along with the rest of the others. A woman with blonde hair and brown eyes sat at a desk.

"Ah, nice to meet you-"

**"HOLY CRAP, ARE THOSE THINGS REAL!?"** Peter suddenly cried, pointing his finger at the Tsunade's breasts.

_"Peter!"_ Lois hissed.

"I'll let it slide this time..." The Hokage said, her smile changing to a scowl. "But anyhow, Shizune will be handing you the map of the village. Where your apartment is, the academy, _yadayadayada..."_

"Speaking of academy, I understand you train kids to become ninjas?" Said Peter, who was expected to asked such a question.

"Indeed. I see how your kids are at a chuinin/jounin age, but its never to late for them to enter the academy."

"Does this offer stand for men over forty?"

".......What?"

"Peter, I'd be more concerned for_ you_ than for Meg and Chris." Brian chuckled.

"Wait- for _those_ two? _**What about me!?" **_Stewie complained.

"Stewie, your too young to be killing terrorists." Lois said. "You can do that when your at Chris's age."

**"WHAT THE HELL, YOU VILE WOMAN!? I'M NOT WAITING UNTIL I BECOME AS BRAINLESS AS FAT MAN JR.!!!"**

_"Well, aren't you a cute little child?" _Tsunade smiled through gritted teeth, _"I highly suggest you __**shut your mouth, shove your head in a tub of ice,**__ because a head that size has obviously screwed up your brain and put you into the illusion that you're some grown man."_

"........Touche."

"Anyway, Peter, given your age and obesity I don't think of you as under the condition of being a ninja-" Before the Hokage could react, Peter had lunged his body at her desk, where he grabbed onto the woman's cloak while wailing,

_**"PLEASE, LET ME BE A NINJA!!!!! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A NINJA, I WANNA STAB PEOPLE THEN SPEAK JAPANESE AND FLIP SOMEONE OFF LIKE THEY DO IN JAPAN WITHOUT GETTING IN TROUBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**_

"Are you even sure you want to actually be a ninja?" Lois questioned him.

_**"YES I WANT TO!!! I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE SURE THAN WHEN I DECIDED I'D BUY STAR TREK 09!!!!!"**_

_---_

_Peter was sitting in the front row of the movie theaters with Brian, watching the screen. It was 20 minutes into the movie, and he saw a boy stand up from the ground staring at the police officer._

_"State your name."_

_"My name is James Tiberius Kirk!"_

_Peter bent over whispering to Brian, "You know, we're buying this."_

_---_

_**"I'LL DO ANYTHING!!!!!"**_

Tsunade stared at Peter for a long moment, before a smirk came on her face. _"Anything?"_

_Later that night...._

Peter was lying on a bed in a seductive pose, only wearing his underwear.

_"Oh Tsunade, I'm ready...."_

The door from the bathroom opened, and a figure came out.

_**"HI, PETER!"**_

**"SHIZUNE! **_**WHAT THE HELL!?"**_

**"HA!"** Laughed Tsunade who was sitting at the window sill.

_**"Oh come on!!!!!" **_Peter whined, as Shizune clung onto his arm.

"Thats what you get for talking about_ my_ twins!" The woman cackled.

_---_

_Tee hee. Told ya. I felt the same bout ST, wanting to get it after 20 min. But anywayz, next chapter will be more ninja stuff! _


	5. Misunderstandings

_Here is da chapta!_

_---_

**Chapter 5**

_**Misunderstandings.**_

"Everyone hurry up, you'll be late for ninja academy!" Lois called from the tiny kitchen downstairs. It was a few days later since they had visited Lady Tsunade, and Peter had reluctantly done his deed in order to join in becoming a ninja. Their apartment was grouped with many others, almost like a motel except there was more than one room. Meg came walking down the stairs, but Chris, some feet behind, had tripped and bumped into her. Both were tumbling down before landing at the bottom.

_"I TRIPPED DOWN THE STAIRS AND CRUSHED MEG, A NEW RECORD!!!!" _Chris cheered as he shot up, raising his fists in victory.

**"GETOFFOFMEFATASS!" **A suffocating Meg roared pushing him off.

"Chris, your becoming a ninja, you have to watch where your going." Lois said as she helped Meg up.

"But Mom, how I can I succeed in life if I can't make any mistakes and learn from them?!"

"........._Chris Griffin, did you just say something that made sense?"_

"Sure did!"

"Where'd you even get that from?" asked Brian, who had been drinking coffee at the table.

"Dr. Phil. Dad was watching it with me."

A crash came from behind as a bathtub came crashing through the ceiling and behind the family, Peter sitting inside of it.

_**"Now I can truly become ninja!"**_ Laughing maniacally, he somehow managed to put his feet through the tub's bottom and run through the door wearing the tub around him. Chris ran after him singing the Spongebob Squarepants theme song, and Meg grudgingly followed.

_"This is gonna be worse than Hannah Montana's last concert....._"

_---_

_Crowds filled with kids were cheering as Hannah Montanna came out on stage._

_"Hey, y'all! Ya ready to rock!?"_

_The crowds responded with more cheering._

_"Alright, but before we do I need to tell you something. I'm not really Hannah Montanna OR Miley Cyrus. I'm........"_

_She ripped off her outfit revealing a new face-_

_"ALAN RICKMAN."_

_"........................"_

_----_

"Brian, I need to drop the others off at school then do some errands." Lois said as she grabbed her purse from the counter and headed towards the destroyed door. "Could you watch Stewie while I'm gone?"

"Don't worry, Lois. I'll watch him."

"Thanks. Remember that he doesn't color with Sharpie markers, he's been waking up in the middle of the night doing some weird stuff..."

_---_

_Lois awoke with a yawn and got out of bed. As she came by Stewie's bathroom, an eerie sound was heard. She opened the door halfway to see Stewie and Rupert over a piece of paper. His eyes were bloodshot._

_"Y-Ya know Rupert, I...don't see why people shouldn't sniff these...they're just so good....Rupert, I never realized how much you look like Orlando Bloom...I love you, Orlando Bloom....I'm way sexier than Keira Knightley..."_

_----_

Once Lois had left with the others, Brian finished up his coffee and went upstairs into Stewie's room. The one year old was kneeling in front of his suitcase, re-packing it and talking to himself.

"All right, everything here! Diapers, clothes, guns, grenades, swords, my signed autograph from Ashley Tisdale, One Piece manga, and the sharpies!" He swiped one of them, threw off the cap and took a great whiff.

"I am _so_ high..."

"Stewie, what are you doing?"

"DAHHH!!!" The boy gave a scream as he jerked up, the sharpie flying from his hand and out the window.

**"OW! MY EYE, I THINK IT'S BLEEDING-**_......mmm...smells good...."_

"B-Biran! I'm not doing anything here! W-What are you doing!?"

"Came to check on you, Lois went to drop the others off at ninja academy. And why are you re-packing? We just got here."

"I-I was j-just looking to see if the fat man might've placed Rupert in the suit case. Y-Yep, w-wasn't thinking of going to pick him up from Quahog, then find the base of Orochimaru to join him as partners!"

_**"What the hell!?"**_

_**"DAMMIT, CURSE YOU AUTHORESS FOR MAKING ME GIVE AWAY OUT LOUD MY PLAN!"**_

_Hey, it's in the script!_

"You put that in, then I will tell everyone your weakness of running out of pork fried rice!"

_Bastard...!_

"Stewie, I can understand if you want to get back a dumb toy- _but joining terrorists?"_

"A dog like you who licks uranus all day wouldn't understand!!"

".....Are you talking about the planet, or.....?"

"Just get out of my way! If the only way I can rid the world of retarded people like you is by joining this man, _then I will!"_

"The only person you want to kill is Lois, and joining some evil villian to finish a family member off is ridiculous!"

Meanwhile...

Sasuke was quietly walking along the road past the buildings. He stopped to contemplate life.

"Hmmm...I wonder if by joining someone powerful like Orochimaru could help me destroy Itachi....nah."

---

"Sorry Stewie, but I'm not letting you leave." Brian stated, crossing his arms. Suddenly, a large honking noise from outside quickly distracted him. Both looked out the window to see a mini-truck driving nearby carrying the mail. The dog's instincts kicked in-

**"RAWR RAWR RAWR RAWR RAWR RAWR RAWR!!"** He flew out the window, crashing into the trash can which fell over. He then rocketed out of it, and ran off barking and chasing the truck. Stewie was dumb-strucked by this.

_**"...........VICTORY IS MINE!!!"**_ He grabbed his bag and prepared to run away when he noticed one of his sharpee's lying on the floor. He quickly smelled it-

_**"Ahhhh...."**_

Then ran off.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian was lying outside of the truck, half of it having crashed into a garage in the alley way. Letters and packages were lying everywhere, the pet tearing them to pieces.

"Oh my god, this is_ so_ good...." He stopped with a gasp, realizing what had happened, "Stewie! Lois is gonna be more angrier than that time Peter was tricked at Burger King...."

_---_

_**We stopped selling the whopper for one day, to see what would happen...**_

_Peter came walking into BK towards the man at the counter._

_"Hi there. Um, I'll have a large coke, medium french fries, and a regular whopper-"_

_"Sorry, sir. We no longer sell our whoppers."_

_".....What do you mean you don't have any whoppers? I came here for lunch yesterday and they had it!"_

_"We just don't have any, sorry sir."_

_"...HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE ANY? Of course you do, just go to the freakin back of the place and start making them!"_

_"I'm sorry, but we have no whoppers. Do you need to see the boss?"_

_"GET ME A FREAKING WHOPPER NOW!!!"_

_"I can take you to see the boss."_

_"....................." From no where, Peter held up a rifle and fired it at the worker-causing him to collapse. This was BEFORE a man dressed as the Burger King came running in._

_"Hey man, you just fell for our whopper freak out prank!"_

_"Really? Oh wow, I would've never guessed!" Peter exclaimed as he dropped the gun._

_"But it's alright, we just...wanted...to......is that guy alive?"_

_"..........Crap."_

_----_

"If I can pick up the pace, then maybe I'll catch up with him!" Brian said as he began running back towards the apartment when something hard had knocked him over onto the ground. He looked up weakly to see a pup running away, it was a bit smaller than him but looked a bit identical and was screaming.

**"HE'S CRAZY MAN, CRAZY!!! GET THAT KID AWAY FROM ME!!!"**

"What kid?"

"There you are, Akamaru!" a voice came from behind. The dog turned around to see a boy with a hood and fangs.

"........Are you a vampire or something?"

"Ha, you joker! You must've bumped your head or something when you ran off like that before I could get the doctor to fix you."

"WHAT!? You sick freak, why would you do such a thing!?"

"Hey, you can even talk too! But anyway, we better get back to Hinata and Shino before sensei gets back."

"WOAH! What the hell are you doing!?" He gave a cry as he was picked up by his collar and carried off. "Quit it! I have to save a possessed baby who's gonna be killed by some Michael Jackson/Voldemort!"

Meanwhile...

The thief was staring down at the crystal ball. "It seems that the baby has gone off somewhere. I'm not entirely sure where, didn't hear. But with him and the kidnapped dog out of the picture it should be easier to take over the village.....oh yeah, and I think they called you the usual combination of Michael Jackson and Lord Voldemort.....are you even listening to me?"

He turned to face his master, who was banging his head on the wall repeatedly grunting,

_**"WHY-DOES-EVERYONE-THINK-THAT-!!!??"**_

_---_

_And there you have it. Stewie is now endangering his life, while Brian's been mistakened! GASP! Next chapter you'll see Peter's first day of training. Just so everyone knows, Alan Rickman plays Snape in Harry Potter, I'm no Ashley Tisdale fan, I never get high from sharpees(maybe), and yes- I LOVE PORK FRIED RICE. plus, the bk thing was based off a commercial._


	6. The Great CutAway Of Man's Time!

_Here is da chapta! Incase you see any think offending handicaps, this is stuff stewie would say, NOT ME. so I'm so sorry if this offends you and I highly apologize!_

_---_

**Chapter 6**

_**The Great Cut-Away Of Man's Time!**_

Right outside near a swing set, Lois parked the car their for the others to leave. Everyone opened the doors except for their driver and got out leaving.

"Bye Kids, have a fun day at Ninja Academy!" Lois waved at them.

"Bye, Mommy!"

"See you, Mom!"

"Bye, Mom!"

"Peter, I'm not your mother."

"No, but you're a _sexy _mom." He purred.

**"HAHA, YOU CALLED YOUR MOM SEXY!" **Laughed a random boy with spiky hair and green goggles.

**"HAHA, YOU LOOK HIGH!"** Peter counter attacked at him.

**"WAHHH!!"** The boy wailed as he ran off.

After Lois had left, Peter, Meg, and Chris walked with each other inside the the academy. They stopped at the classroom where they would be with the other children, and walked inside to where Iruka was sitting at a desk.

"Ah! Chris, Meg....Peter?"

"That's right, Iruka-sensei!"

"Wow. I didn't expect you to actually make it...like that time Tsunade thought she could survive a day without drinking!"

_--_

_Iruka came walking into Tsunade's office with a stack of papers,_

_"Lady Tsunade, I need to discuss with you some grades from the Ninja Academy....Lady Tsunade?"_

_He looked up unable to see her at her desk. Bending down, Iruka peeked around to see she was crouching underneath the desk gasping for air, her face pale._

_"Tsunade-san....?"_

_**"THE HAMSTERS SQUEAK!!! I-Is t-that y-y-ou, Jesse Mcartney...?"**_

_"........?"_

_"W-Why...__**I JUST HAD TO MAKE THAT BET WITH JIRAYA, WHY!??"**_

_The door opened as Shizune came in holding a tray with food._

_"Oh, Tsunade-Sama! Your lunch is ready-__**AHHHH!!!"**__ Before the poor girl could react, she was picked up and thrown out the window by the deranged Hokage._

_--_

"Erm...anyway, I have two seats in the second row over there for Chris and Meg. As for you Peter, there's an empty seat right next to Konohamaru."

While both children sat at their assigned seats, Petter went over in the row in front of him. He glanced at the small boy next to him, who was giving him an intense glare.

"Aren't you that kid from the parking lot?"

"You called me high!"

"Not my fault your eyes are freaky."

"Heh, you should see the Hyuga Clan!"

"All right, settle down everyone!" Iruka called. "We have a few new students-"

**"IRUKA-SENSEI!!!"**

_"Yes, Konohamaru?"_

"Why are our new students so old? Especially fatty here!"

"I wouldn't be the one making fun of looks, Druggy." Peter scoffed.

**"I'M NOT HIGH!!!!"**

"Peter, no calling Konohamaru high."

_"But whyyyyyy???" _He whined.

"'Cause I'm special!" The boy announced proudly, "The 3rd Hokage was my grandpa and he was the best!"

"Yeah, and what happened to him?" Moegi snickered nearby.

_---_

_Here stood Orochimaru was standing face to face with the Third lecturing him._

_"You're a fool! For I will take over your precious village, kill anyone I can, finish you and...."_

_"Zzzz...."_

_"....The hell!? WAKE UP!!"_

_"AHH!! ZAZZLE FRAZZLE!!"_

_"....."_

_"I'm sorry, um where was I?"_

_"...You said you were going to take my soul?"_

_"...Oh yeah...give it here!"_

_---_

**"ENOUGH CUTAWAYS!!!" **An annoyed Iruka shouted. "As I was saying, these are our new students. So what if they're older than all of you? They'll be training with you all until they graduate and are put in groups with you! THEN you'll be doing life-threatening missions!"

"Aww..." The class said sadly, wanting to be killing rogue ninjas.

"Woah woah, wait a sec!" Peter interrupted. "What do you mean _then_ we'll be in life-threatening missions!? WHEN DO WE GET TO START BEING NINJAS, ANYWAY!?"

_"When you graduate from the academy, which takes years."_ Iruka stated becoming annoyed with these questions.

**"WTF!? I AM NOT WAITING YEARS TO KICK TERRORIST'S **_**ASS-**_**TOCKS! I WANNA BE A NINJA NOW!!"**

"If you think you can become a shinobi now, then you're as crazy as the Joker!"

_--_

_"WHY..SO..SERIOUS!?!?!?"_

_---_

".....I think that was the most shortest cutaway of all time in the history of cutaways."

"All right, Peter." Iruka sighed, before staring at his older student solemnly. "If you can make a better cutaway then mine, I will let you, and maybe even Chris and Meg, GRADUATE."

The students gasped!

"You serious?"

"Any kick-ass cutaway, we consider a well-done genjutsu."

"All right then...." And so Peter stood there, thinking it all up in one minute. Then, with an evil horrifying grin came across his face. He turned to the class.

"You know what was more awesome than this? When my friends and I made our own trailer version of the DARK KNIGHT!"

"Oh no..." Iruka said, eyes wide at what he had done.

"Oh _yeah."_

_**---**_

_**(**__italic,___real life_)_

_**(bold plus italic, **_in the trailer_**)**_

_**The scene started with a dark figure riding a scooter down Spooner St. Stewie's voice could be heard. Ominous music playing.**_

_**"You've changed things....forever."**_

_**Scene changes to a drunk Peter sitting on his couch and looking dizzily at a bat-like mask.**_

_**"There's no going back."**_

_**Yet again, changes to Peter standing on a floor trying to do the Souja Boy. Unfortunately, he trips, falls over the ledge, and lands on top of a car. Then he was seen standing on a building at night.**_

_**"See, to them.....you're just a freak."**_

_**Stewie appeared, wearing a baggy purple coat with makeup and a green wig. "Like me!.....Well, except you don't have a head shaped like a football and you're not some talking one year old talking about killing your own bloody mother....um..yeah...."**_

_**Burger King blows up, you can see the burning cards with Stewie on them dressed as Paris Hilton.**_

_**"HEE-HAW-HEH-HEH-HEH..."**_

_"Like I said Stewie, your laugh is disturbing."_

_"SHUT UP, BRIAN, YOU DEUCY-McDEUCEBAG! THIS IS MY FAMOUS ROLE!"_

_**Marches of policemen are coming down the street. Joe is shown attempting to come up the stair well, denying the help from the paparazzi. Instead of dressing as Jim Gordon like he was supposed to, he accidently had on his Sirius Black costume. He's now talking to Quagmire.**_

_**"What do we got? GIGGITY!" Quagmire asked.**_

_**"No name, no other alias. Clothing is so out of style. Nothing in his pockets but knifes and lint!"**_

_**Quagmire grabbed a sharpee from the table that held these belongings. "What's this?"**_

_**"....Well, he was-"**_

_**"Oh. Must explain his 'insane' problem."**_

_**Stewie is now seen face to face. "Evening...Commissioner.....Oh hey, HandiCapped!"**_

_**"WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF CRAP!?" Quagmire had to run up and hold Joe from attacking him.**_

_**"Hey, why so serious? Need to take a relaxing WALK?"**_

_**"I'LL MURDER YOU!!!!"**_

_**Days later, Stewie is at a table with different gangs and thugs. "Where do we begin? A year ago, these cops and lawyers wouldn't DARE cross any of you. I mean, what happened?"**_

_**Scene quickly flashes to a drunk Peter crashing through the Drunken Clam wearing a suit and tie. Now back to thugs!**_

_**"So what are you proposing?" asked Cleveland.**_

_**"It's simple. KILL-THE BATMAN."**_

_**"Here's my card." He then threw to his neighbor one of his Paris Hilton cards.**_

_**"That is just naaaaasty!"**_

_**DARK KNIGHT THEME BEGINS TO PLAY!**_

_**We now see Peter in a fancy restaurant. He walks to Lois who's at a table with Brian.**_

_**"Bruce, this is Harvey Dent."**_

_**"Rachel's told me everything about you."**_

_**"Well, I certainly hope not." Peter smiled. "Because then I would have to spank a certain someone for giving away my identity."**_

_"Peter, that's not even in the script!" _

_"Shhh, Lois! It's what makes our relationship seem sexier!"_

_"That is just naaaaa-"_

_"YOUR'E NOT IN THIS SCENE, CLEVELAND!"_

_**Peter is outside, and Lois walks toward him. **_

_**"You once told me that we could be together. Did you really mean it?"**_

_**"..........Um......er, well.....OH LOOK, JON AND KATE PLUS 8 IS ON!" She runs away. Inside, Brian is talking to Mr. Herbert.**_

_**"Alfred, right? Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be worried about?"**_

_**"You have no idea! Mmmm...and some cute ones too...."**_

_**A gun-bang is heard at the back of the room, making everyone scream. Stewie is there with some lackeys.**_

_**"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! We are tonight's entertainment. Hit it, boys!"**_

_**The mobsters begin dancing to macarena. Stewie turns and notices Lois.**_

_**".........................Do I really have to call her beautiful? How about, 'you look nervous! Must be that ugly makeup of yours." **_

_**Peter's voice is heard. "I see now what I have to become to stop men like him...."**_

_**It is now a few weeks later, and Brian is in a press conference. "The night is dark as just before the dawn. I promise you, the dawn is coming!"**_

_**The trailer quickly stops at a part where Stewie is flame throwing a pile of cash. But realizing he had accidently thrown in his own Visa Card, he begins stomping on the mess to try and put it out.**_

_**"When's it gonna come?" asked Chris, who was dressed as a journalist.**_

_**".........um......Next Thursday?"**_

_**"YAY!"**_

_**Peter is talking to Mr. Herbert seriously, "People are dying, Alfred! What would you have me do?"**_

_**"Endure, Mr. Wayne. But if I may make a suggestion, why don't we invite over that nice young journalist from Harvey's press conference? Mmmm, he sure was fine...."**_

_**Stewie is in a dramatic pose. "AND HERE...WE....GO."**_

_**Peter is riding his scooter at fast speed, towards Stewie who is shooting his gun in different directions. **_

_**"Come on, HIT ME!!" **_

_**"AH!" With a scream of pain, Peter tumbles off the scooter. "Stewie, you idiot! I'M THE ONE SUPPOSED TO HIT YOU!"**_

_**"Well, that's what happens in the actual movie you fat man! Besides, this city deserves a better class criminal...and I'm gonna give it to them!"**_

_**Scenes are now changing yet again. Stewie is trying to hang his head out of the car while driving it and making faces. But he accidently falls over and nearly hits the ground. Luckily, his partner holds him by his foot while taking the wheel. You could see Brian tied up on the floor with oil pouring past him.**_

_**"DEAR GOD IT'S ALL OVER ME, EWWW!"**_

_**Now, he is sitting at the restaurant. "You can die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself to become the crack-filled villain."**_

_**The scene is black, and you see Meg. "Finally, I get a part in this thing-"**_

_**THE DARK KNIGHT. **_

_**"Will you be wanting the batpod, sir?" Mr. Herbert is asking Peter.**_

_**"In the middle of the day, Alfred? Not very settle....OMG, how bout a monster truck?? THAT would be KICK ASS."**_

_**JULY 18. (2008)**_

_**----**_

Every single kid in the class had nearly fainted. Their jaws were dropped, and few had had nosebleeds at the sight of Peter's fabulous 'genjutsu'. Iruka looked awestruck, simply amazed. Walking over to the dumbfounded sensei, He happily took the head band from him and walked out.

"Thank _you._"

_---_

_I had been planning for a while to do my dark knight version of family guy! i watched the entire trailer over again for dialogue to put in._


	7. What Happens After School

_YES!!!!!! SCHOOLIO, ISHZ OVA!!!!!!!!! WHAT DOES DAT MEAN? A WHOLE SUMMER OF CHAPTER UPDATES!!!!!! You'll notice plenty of cutaways related to disney stuff._

_---_

**Chapter 7**

_**What Happens After School**_

Once school had ended, Meg and Chris walked out and on the way back to the apartment.

"Well Meg, now that we've graduated what do you wanna do?"

"Chris, you don't actually think we graduated? All Dad did was show everyone the trailer to our crappy remake of that movie!"

"You only think it stunk 'cause you had no part in it at all."

_**"SO WHAT? MORE PEOPLE WOULD'VE WATCHED IT IF YOU GAVE ME AN ACTUAL ROLE! **_I mean, _'of course! Let's not put Meg in the movie! We can just save her the best for LAST."_

For no reason what so ever, she turned and ran off laughing in a crazy maniacal way,_** "YOU ALL KNOW I'M BETTER THAN YOU! MWAAHHAHAHAHahahahhah....!"**_

"..............Ok..."

While Meg was off in her crazy state, a young girl a year younger than Chris was hiding behind a tree watching him. She had short raven-black hair and pail gray eyes. This, of course, was the Byakugan which was a trait of her clan. Her face was beet red.

_H-h-he i-is..... the n-new villager that was the first to graduate in one day? But...why am I feeling...so weird? I...I love Naruto-kun! T-This can't be right....But...what do I say? I d-don't even think I c-can look at him!_

She gave a gulp of breath and stood tall. _I-I can do it! I-I know I can make a first good impression..._

Right when the genin was about to take a step forward, she could feel movement behind. She turned around to see Chris.

**"HI THERE!!!!"**

**"AHHHH!" **

**"AHHHH! AN ESKEMO!!"**

While running away screaming, he accidently whacked the girl on the head with his arm, knocking her onto the ground. It was several seconds later after Chris left the scene, that a newcomer came in. His face was covered by sunglasses and his high-neck collar from his jacket. He looked down at his dazed companion, who had been lying there blushing with her eyes open.

"He....H-He t-touched me..." She breathed. "Even though I was nearly given head trauma, and or concussion, he still _touched_ me...."

"Hinata, your head seems to be gushing blood."

She sat up and rubbed the side of her head that had been smacked. Apparently, there indeed was blood.

_"Hey guys!" _Entering the scene came another boy.

"Kiba, you are late. Kurenai-sensei has sent us to look for you."

"Sorry, Shino! Akamaru just ran off while we were at the vet-"

Kiba was cut off as his jacket bursted open, and a familiar dog we know screamed.

_**"DEAR GOD SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE-"**_Brian's voice became muffled as Kiba tried to shove him back in, covering his mouth.

"Chillax, Akamaru!"

_**"I CAN'T BREATH! I'M SUFFOCATING-" **_ With another forceful shove, poor Brian was back in the jacket, Kiba zippering it up in case his dog tried to escape again. Shino gave him an odd look.

"......._Kiba........was your dog just screaming?"_

"Sure was! I've no idea what happened, but it's so cool! Though he seems to be more jumpy then usual."

"If I am guessing correctly, I would say that you've gone and scared the pup at the thought of losing his manhood."

"Ya think so? When you say it like that, it sounds more disturbing than that fact about one of those huns from Mulan."

----

_Shen Yu jumped down from the tree within in the forest, landing front of the other huns. He held up a small doll with black hair._

_"Do you know what this is?"_

_He threw the doll to one of the huns who observed it._

_"It appears to be......a Polly Pocket...."_

_**"MINE!!"**__ The creeper Hun with the bow and arrow jumped at his companion, teared his head off with his own teeth, and ran off in the corner with his doll._

_---_

"CRAP, HINATA! ARE YOU BLEEDING?" Kiba cried from out of the blue, happening to just notice this.

"N-no, It's fine...." She said shyly hiding the bruise from where she had been struck.

"You're entire forehead is covered within blood." Shino pointed out.

A gasp of air erupted as Brian's head popped out from the hood on top of Kiba's head.

**"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?** _Do I look like your dog!?"_

"Hey, maybe Akamaru can lick it off!" Kiba exclaimed. Reaching up, he pulled Brian out and held his face close to the alarmed Hinata.

".........I AM NOT LICKING THAT. NO** FREAKIN **WAY."

"Akamaru, don't act like a jerk in front of her, its rude! Just like when Simba stole his own father's wallet."

---

_A Young Simba came crawling down the cliff carefully. He reached his father who was lying still and silent, having fallen off a cliff and being trampled by hundreds of animals. He gave him a nudge with his nose._

_"Dad...Dad, wake up!" He gave him another nudge but it was harsher. At this one, something peeked out from under Mufasa's paw. Curious, Simba pulled it out to see it was a wallet. He stared inside of it._

_"....THREE-HUNDRED DOLLARS? WOO-HOO! I'M GONNA GET ME AN WII!!"_

_Laughing with joy, picked up the wallet with his mouth and ran off._

_---_

"FOR THE BILLIONTH TIME,_ I-AM-NOT-YOUR-DO-"_

"Where have you all been?"

Walking right next to Hinata was a tall woman with dark hair who was guessed to be this Kurenai-sensei. Brian stared at her. Or more specifically, her appearance. Just like that, he was licking off the blood.

_---_

_**"We should be entering Madagascar in a few minutes. Please stay in your seat for a smooth landing when it comes, or else you will get blown off the plane and you will die. Thank you for riding YouSuck,IRockFlights."**_

"Blast, I'm on the wrong flight!" Stewie said in disbelief as he sat in his seat impatiently on the plane. He quickly took out the wallet he had stolen from Peter and looked through it.

"I won't have enough money to simply stop at Kenya, then to Hershey Park and Quahog to find that stupid snake man! Awww, and this would've been a good time to go to the Chocolate Factory if I had more money! Just like I pictured it...."

_--_

_The four children attempted to run through the door for their life, but Willy had it closed shut on him._

_"Let us out, freak!" One of them cried._

_"Let us out, freak!" The other one repeated._

_"Oh no, I can't let you out."_

_"Uh, YES YOU CAN!"_

_"Yes you can!"_

_"No, no, you see....your all MINE now...."_

_Music could be heard. Dozens of Oompa Loompa's came marching in to take the children for hostage. Willy held up a microphone._

_**"Listen chocolate lovers, 'cause this is it! The beat Stewie's giving is mailicous!"**_

_Jumping from no where appeared Stewie in a similar outfit, who had grabbed the mic from Willy._

_**"Stewie-licous definition makes them boys go loco! They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo. You could see me, you can't squeeze me, I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy, I got reasons why I tease 'em-boys just come and go like seasons-"**_

_**"Fergalicous **__(so delicous)_

_**But I ain't promiscuous. And if you was suspicious, all that s**t is fictitious. I blow kisses **__(mmmwwahhh)__** that puts them boys on rock, rock. And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got."**_

_**So delicious **__(it's hot, hot)_, _**so delicious **__(I put them boys on rock, rock)_,_**so delicious**__ (they wanna taste of what I got)_

_**I'm Stewie-licious **__(t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)!_

---

Getting up from the seat, he made his way over to a flight attendant.

"Excuse me, do you know where we are at the moment?"

"We should be over Kenya at the moment."

"Thanks, hooker."Before she could react, he pulled out a gun and grabbed her by the air while pointing it at her throat. Gasps came from everyone.

_**"ALRIGHT, NOBODY MOVE AND THROW ME ALL YOUR MONEY! COME ON!"**_ Panicked, all passengers tossed coins, dollars, and jewlery into a small pile in front of the blood-thirsty baby. Still clutching the screaming woman's hair, he took off his bag and scooped up all the merchandise inside. He paused his counting, noticing something.

".....Alright, who here wrote a check for twenty-three dollars?"

A small portly man raised his hand.

"Come on, fatty. Don't try and rip me off!"

_"B-But, I-I only have credit cards right now!"_

"Then give me your credit card, _duh."_

"But-"

A gun shot came as he decided to shoot at the empty seat next to the man.

**"GIMME YOUR CREDIT CARD DARNIT!"**

With a whimpering noise, he tossed the card toward Stewie who placed it in his bag as so. Throwing aside the flight attendant, he made his way over to the door and kicked it open, causing the rest to clutch onto their seats as they wind gushed in.

"Gentleman, Ladies, _Douches."_

He jumped out. The wind swirled past the one year old as he dropped millions of feet and towards the ground.

_**"SEE YA LATER, SUCKERS!" **_While laughing maniacally, he began pulling at the back of his bag. He paused, realizing that there was no string on his bag that would let out a parachute. Stewie then looke down at the faces of a million trees, part of a jungle.

_**"......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-" **_

_**Down in the jungle...**_

_**"HAHA! I BEAT YOU, SHLLLLUT!"**_

"Pumba, you cheater! You've never even played Super Smash Brawl before!" An older Simba complained as the two sat in front of the tv with their wii controllers in hand.

_**"DUZN'T MATTER, 'CUZ I BEAT YOU ANY WAY! BAHAHHAHAHAH!"**_As the hog continued laughing, Simba whispered to Timon who came in with more booze.

"Is he alright....?"

_"I slipped some crack in his drink for a laugh._" He snickered.

_**"WOOT! IT SURE IS GETTIN' COLD IN HERE, WARM ME UPPPP!"**_

"It's 89 degrees." Simba said. At that moment, Stewie came flying in, landing face flat onto the wii-crushing it to smithereens. Several horrified stares were earned for this, as young Stewie rubbed his head.

_"uH....The deuce just happened...?"_

_**"YOU LITTLE #$#!#$%%&%%$^^**_taco**#$%&*(^&!!" **The hog shrieked. _**"I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!" **_

**"AHHHH!"** Getting up, Stewie ran off screaming for his life as the drugged Pumba chased him down.

_"NO!"_ Simba cried, sobbing on the remains of their beloved console. _"Why!!??! I was so close!!!"_

"How were we even able to afford a wii in the first place?" Timon questioned him.

"...._............No reason."_

_---_

_So I have indeed introduced more characters from Naruto! I plan to show most of them. Didja expect the Hinata/Chris? When watching the Lion King back in 6th grade, my friends and i made a joke that simba stole his dads wallet after he died XD. I also joked with my friend, when watching mulan, that the doll they found in that scene was a POLLY POCKET!_

_The fergalicous/willy wonka thing is based off a scene from EPIC MOVIE. _


	8. Naruto Uzumaki

_HIYA PEOPLE! From the chapter title, you guessed right! the star of all naruto characters is making his entrance in this story...._

_Sorry fer the LONG break. Ya know how it is, summer and other stories to work on. I've noticed how few were surprised by the Hinata/Chris thing last chap. I wouldn't say its a serious relationship, you'll see what I mean, dontcha worry!_

_---_

**Chapter 8**

_**Naruto Uzumaki**_

After the long restless and stupid day at the bar he had found, Peter drunkenly made his way back to the apartment, Iruka's headband tied around his head. Instead of opening the door with his hand (or walking through the hole in it he had made this morning), he misunderstood the closed window for the entrance and jumped through it, landing sprawled on the kitchen table where the family sat. It gave in with a crunch as it's legs broke.

_"Hey, family! Wasa goin on?"_

"Oh Peter, thank god your home!"Lois cried, helping him off the now destroyed table. "Stewie wrote a letter saying that he ran away, and I haven't been able to find Brian anywhere!"

"How can he write? He's only one." Meg said.

"He was most best at writing in his class."

"..........Like I said, he's only one-"

_**"SHUDDAP, ya filthy hooka!" **_Peter suddenly shrieked, punching Meg across the face who fell over onto the floor, _"You coulda had a V8!"_

"Peter, the kids are also telling me that you got them graduating?"

_"Sure did, hun!"_

_"......"_

A loud crunch echoed as Lois had punched Peter across the face, before grabbing him by the arm and throwing him at the kitchen table where he landed on his elbow. He clutched it in pain.

_**"AH! Ssss..............Ah! Ssss................Ah! Sssss..............Ah!Ssss...........Ah! Sssssss.............Ah! Ssss.............Ah! Sssssss...........Ah! Ssssss............Ah! Ssss............. Ah! Sssss...............Ah! Ssssss.............Ah! Ssss.............."**_

**"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!?" **

_"Well, you boke my dose, and ma elbow is boken so-_"

**"BESIDE THAT, WHAT GAVE YOU THE IDEA THAT OUR KIDS ARE READY TO BE FIGHTING OTHERS!?" **

"Hasn't it occurred to anyone that they just don't go and make you a ninja-**AHH!"** Meg screamed as a paintball shot her from no where, causing the girl to fly out the window.

**"THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!!" **Cried Chris, who held the gun.

_"I'm thinking Arbys!"_ Peter cheered raising his fists in the air.

_**"I'm thinking your an idiot!"**_ Lois spat, "I don't want our children to be in danger!'

"Calm down, I need to catch some Z's then I'll fix this in the morning." He said as he walked toward the staircase, which was blocked by his wife.

_"Oh n_o, you are heading _straight_ back to the Academy to apologize for this!"

_**"DO NOT BE A FOOL, LIKE THAT LADY FROM THE TAMPAX PEARL COMMERCIALS!!"**_ He cried drunkenly.

----

_Knocking came on the door. A young woman opened it, to see a tiny lady holding a pink box._

_"Mother Nature!? Why are you here? Go away!"_

_"But I'm here with your monthly gift! You should be worried about leaking."_

_"I'm covered! With new tampax pearls, I won't need to worry about leakage for at least eight hours every night!"_

_"....." The mother gave this woman a long intense glare. Then from no where, she pulled out a rifle and began firing it in different directions!_

_**"GAHHH, MY SPLEANNN!" T**__he woman screamed as she toppled over, blood spewing from her stomach. __**"WHY MOTHER NATURE, WHY!!???"**_

_**"HAH! DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TAMPONS TO ABSORB ALL THAT, NOW DO YA? I ALWAYS WIN!"**_

---

"If anyone's the idiot, its YOU! He should still be there, and you are also to give back that headband!"

_**"But I don't wanna!'**_

**"NOW, PETER!"**

_**"No!"**_ He crossed his arms childishly._ "I ain't going out there, and you-"_

_Two seconds later outside..._

_"-Can't make...m...e._..........Aw, son of a-"

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_**TO DO LIST**_

**X**_ w/ sensei_

**X**_2. Vandalize Walmart_

_3. Eat at Ichiraku Ramen w/ Iruka sensei_

_4. Go Home_

_5. Grab hotdog and hooker in GRAND THEFT AUTO IV!!!_

Throwing the list aside, the young boy in the orange jumpsuit threw open the curtains of the tiny restaurant and entered in.

"Hey, old man!-"

"YOU'RE LATE, NARUTO!" From no where, he could feel a bat smack him at the side of the face.

"AGH!!" Young Naruto gave a scream as he clutched the back of his head. "You crazy old man! Why'd ya go and hit me from no where!?"

"Iruka stopped by to pay for your usual order since he had some buisiness to do, and that was two hours ago! TWO..HOURS!!!"

"I was training with-HEY! Gimme that back!" Teuchi paid him attention as he swiped the 'To Do' List from him.

The old man observed it for a long moment, before looking down at the boy, "You were vandalising Walmart...?"

"Believe it! It's better than sitting at home and watching TV sequels to movies!

---

_"Backpain..." Naruto groaned as he sat at the small kitchen table, opening up a package of ramen. "Maybe watching TV will help!"_

_Grabbing a nearby remote, he turned on a tiny tv on the kitchen counter._

_"We now return to...Home Alone IV"_

_"Let me guess, they replace the kid again?" As the movie played, Naruto squinted at the screen._

_"..................Why are all of these people named after the original Home Alone characters? Since when did they divorce? __**SINCE WHEN DID HE HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!? WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT OTHER PARTNER, WTF!!??"**_

_Horrified, he took out several shuriken and threw them at the screen, before grabbing the TV and throwing it out the window. _

---

"....Just sit down and eat the food."

"OK!"

Being his usual positive self, he sat down on a stool in front of his bowl, grabbed a pair of chopsticks and-

**"AIEEE! FATHER!!" **All looks were turned to Teuchi's daughter, who came running in from the back of the restaurant.

"What is it, Ayame?" He asked.

_"I-In t-t-the back!! S-Some crazy man!! __**Drunk...Naked!!!" **_With a gasp, she fainted.

"Ayame!"

"Wouldn't be surprised if it was that perverted old sage..." Naruto grumbled, before a new unrecognizable face appeared. From behind the bar appeared a nude Peter, who had gone and drunk several more booze than intended from the bar he had been stopping by on the way to the Academy. Luckily, his 'private' parts couldn't be seen. Why? Because his fatness covers it up for censor-related reasons.

_"Hey, haz enyone seen ma pants...?"_

**"MY EYES!" **Teuchi cried.

**"DEAR GOD!!" **Naruto screamed as he looked away in horror. **"HOW DO YOU LOSE YOUR PANTS!?"**

_"Like how that guy from 'A Knights Tale' loses his."_

--

_The background is medieval-like, and a naked Peter is inside with a bunch of gamblers and the knight known as William. (HEATH LEDGER)_

_"You were never robbed, were you?" The knight asked of him._

_"Look, I um...I have a gambling problem..."_

_"How much does he owe you?" William questioned one of the gamblers._

_"Ten gold flourens."_

_"YOU MANKY GIT!!" Wat cried as he jumped in from no where, trapping Peter in a headlock and pounding his head._

_"OWW! OWWW!"_

_"WAT, LET 'EM GO!" Roland yelled, throwing him off from where Peter lay._

_**"AH! Ssss..............Ah! Ssss................Ah! Sssss......."**_

---

"First off, you shouldn't even be in the back of the restaurant!" Teuchi said, "Second, you'll go and scare away all my customers!"

_"Well, YA KNOW WHAT MR. KRABS?"_ Peter said as he began poking the old man's chest, _"I'd go away if I could, but my wife locked me out 'till mornin', and nuh one was there at dat academy to open the door so THERE."_

"Why would you need to go to the academy?" Naruto asked, cautious not to face the drunk/

**"I DUN EVEN REMEMBER. I WAS TOO BUSY DRINKIN, THAT I LOST ALL MA BRAIN CELLS. AND SINCE I DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE TUH STAY, I'D THOUGHT I'D BE FINE IF I SLEPT BACK DERE AND STUFF.**_**"**_

"That's terrible!"

_"Not as terrible as when the Avatar froze himself into an iceburge that the Titanic crashed into!"_

"Would you excuse us for a moment?" Teuchi suddenly asked as he pulled Naruto aside where they both stepped back far away.

"Alright, listen Naruto!" He whispered. "I can't have a guy like that here for long, as much as I'd like to offer him some hospitality."

_"Sure you do."_

"Shut up. So I need you to take him back to your place where he can crash in for the night."

**"WHAT!!!!" **He shouted, **"NO WAY! I'M NOT HAVING HIM AT MY PLACE!** I didn't even get to start my meal!"

"I'll put it in a doggy bag."

"But I-"

_**"THERE ARE CHILDREN IN AFRICA STARVING, CURSE YOU!!!"**_

"But-"

Pulling a bag from no where, he grabbed the dish of ramen and poured it into the bag that was then given to the genin.

"Too late, now go!"

Pushed forward, he turned to Peter who was swaying slightly.

"Listen, uh...?"

**"ROBIN WILLIAMS...."**

"...Robin Williams...um, since-"

**"WILL FERREL!!"**

"...I thought you said your name was Robin Williams?"

**"LEONARDO DiCAPRIO!"**

"He just doesn't know what he's saying." Whispered Teuchi from behind.

**"ADAM SANDLER!"**

"QUIET!! Anyway, you have no place to stay I guess you could sleep somewhere at my place-ONLY TONIGHT."

_**"DAKOTA FANNING!!"**_

"Think that means yes." Said old man.

_**"TAYLOR LAUTNER!!"**_

"SEE YOU TWO LATER!" Both Peter and Naruto were thrown out. The old man sighed in relief.

"We don't even have europeon medieval gambling places around here..."

-------

"Well this is just super." Naruto groaned. They would have been home already by now if Peter was so heavy to drag by his arms, "I'm forced to bring home a naked fat ass, and worst of all is my bag's leaking!!"

_"Ya wanna know what else iz leaking....?"_

_**"AW, HELL NO!" **_The blonde screamed, abruptly dropping the arms. "This is taking too long! _Shadow Clone Jutsu!'_

Several 'pops' sounded as a couple Naruto's appeared, helping drag along the drunk man.

"Woah, I must be more than drunk now!!" Peter gasped. "I must be, like......like......_SUPER DRUNK!!!"_

"You don't even know what a jutsu is and you were planning on visiting a ninja academy tonight?" Naruto asked.

It was only then that Peter noticed his helper had a Konoha headband tied around his head.

_**"OH EM GEE, YOUR A NINJA!"**_

"Sure am!" He said proudly, "And the best one around!"

A sudden gasp came,_**"Um..uh...WAIT, I REMEMBER NOW WHY I HAD TO GO TO THE ACADEMY!!!!" **_He cried dramatically.

"What!? Why!?"

_**".....................I HAVE TO PUKE."**_

"...You what?"

_**"I HAVE TO PUKE. RIGHT NOW."**_

"But you were gonna tell-?"

_**"NOW! NOW!" **_Peter screamed as he swung his arms in different directions-therefore, hitting the clones and making them vanish.

"Alright, calm down!" Naruto said, "Here's where I live..."

Turned out that they had conveniently made it to where he lived. Taking out his keys, he turned it in the the keyhole and pulled it out. Opening the door, they were met with the usual mess in Naruto's kitchen-but an alien sitting on the table?

_**"HoLa! MeSa StIcH!!"**_

"NOT AGAIN!" Naruto groaned, dropping Peter who fell face flat. He ran over and swat his hands at the creature, who jumped out the window.

**"GO GET YOUR OWN MOVIE! **Sorry about that. Anyway, you said you had to puke in the toilet-?"

He turned around.

**"EW!!! BAD ROBIN WILLIAMS, THATS DISGUSTING!"**

The rest of the night Naruto was cleaning up Peter's mess, which is something he never does. He had given Peter some dirty bed sheets he had found in his overflowing laundry basket, which expectedly, was worn as a toga.

**"TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!"**

"Careful!" Too late. Before Naruto could mop up the vomit, his temporary idiotic roomate slipped on it and fell over. At the sight of what he landed on, more vomit came to be. One he had gotten Peter new bed sheets, and some water for the hangover he would be having, Naruto was finally able to clean up the mess!

"Alright, now that that's all gone, I'll show you where you'll be sleeping-"

A loud snore came in response. Naruto turned around to see that he was already lying face flat on the kitchen table, hugging onto his cups of ramen. With a 'snap', the legs broke down.

".............Ah, screw it." Grabbing a nearby pair of chopsticks, he headed over to where his untouched dinner was, on the table. As he picked it up, he noticed something fall out of Peter's hand that he had been holding the entire time-

A Ninja headband.

_'No wonder he was trying to get to the academy...'_

The ninja sat near an open window on the floor, eating his food. He stared at Peter for a moment, then shrugged it off-

Not realizing this fat man would change his life.

---

_I was in a rush to finish this chapter, so sorry if it's a bit shortish! BUT FINALLY, I GOT IT DONE!!_


	9. THIS IS SERIOUSSS!

_I was listening to seishun kyousou kyoku while typing this, 5th opening song for naruto :). Heres a chap that actually makes some sense... _

_sort of._

_---_

**Chapter 9**

_**THIS IS SERIOUSSS**_

"Hello?" Iruka called. He knocked on the door again, still clutching his packet of papers, "Lady-Tsunade? Are you in there-?"

_**"NOOOO!" **_Before the teacher could react, he was suddenly pushed onto the ground by a panting Shizune.

"Ow! Shizune, what is the matter with you!?"

"I'm so sorry, but I can't have anyone making a noise above a whisper now!" She said as she pulled Iruka up by his hand. "Tsunade-sama has been drinking too much tonight!"

"What does that have to do with not making any noise?"

"Every time someone makes a loud noise when she's drunk, she confuses it with Kim Wilde music and starts singing along!"

**---**

_Shizune opened the door slowly, and peaked in. She could see the lump of the Hokage's head, resting on her desk._

_"Lady Tsunade? Lady Tsunade, are you awake...?" The woman continued to opening the door, which gave a loud sudden creak._

_The head lifted up._

_**"LoOkInG oUt A dIrTy OlD wInDoW...DOWN BELOW THE CARS IN THE CITY GO RUSHING BYYYYY! I SIT HERE ALONE AND I WONDER WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!"**_

_She hopped up, holding a guitar and playing it._

_**"FrIdAy NiGhT aNd EvErYoNe'S mOvInG!!! I CaN fEeL tHe HeAt, BuT iT's ShOoTiNg HeAdInG DOWWWNNNNNN!!! I sEaRcH fOr ThE bEaT iN tHiS dIrTy TOWWWNNNNN-A"**_

_She began smacking her desk with the guitar, setting it aflame._

_**"DOWN TOWN THE YOUNG ONES ARE GOING!! DOWNTOWN THE YOUNG ONES ARE GROOOWWWINNGGGG-"**_

---

"Shizune-san, you just screamed a few seconds ago and pushed me to to the floor, which made a pretty loud noise. Don't you think she would've heard that?"

".....Oh........you're right.....................**HOLY-"**

The wall next to the door was blasted down. Tsunade stood there with a flaming guitar.

"_**WE'RE THE KIDS OF AMERICAAAAA, WOAH OHHHHH!**_

_**WE'RE THE KIDS OF AMERICAAAAAAA, WOAH OHHHHHH!**_

_**EVERYBODY LIVE FOR THE MUSIC GO-ROUNDDDDDDDD-!"**_

"Lady Tsunade?-"

**"WHAT?" **She shrieked as she tossed the burning guitar at a nearby courier ninja.

_**"AGHH, MY BRAINSSS!" **_He cried as he ran around screaming with flames coming from his head.

**"DEAR LORD!"** Shizune gasped. **"QUICK, SQUIRTLE!** Water-gun!"

A squirtle came running from a nearby closet, spurting water at the screaming nin.

"Oh, GOOD FRIGGIN JOB, IRUKA. You interrupt my singing and kill my nin!"

"I think he's still breathing-"

"I DUN CARE, SHIZUNE."

"You told me to come and give you the reports for the Griffin's first day in the academy." Iruka said, looking annoyed.

"I did?"

"Yes! Don't you remember?"

----

_It was earlier that day, and a team of jonin were in Tsunade's office._

_"Alright, you are dismissed."_

_"Hai!" They said, swiftly vanishing. As soon as they were gone, Tsunade gave a quick grin and reached from underneath her desk, pulling out a case of lipstick. Knocking came on the door._

_"Tsunade-sama, It's me, Iruka! You wished to ask me of something."_

_"Um, yes! You know of the Griffins attending today?" She called pulling out a photo of Zac Effron._

_"Yes I do." He said. Tsunade then began smearing the lipstick all over the face of Zac. The lips, the eyelashes, the hair...._

_"I want you to uh..." She then pulled out a lighter, "Report here at exactly midnight to tell me of the progress that they will make today."_

_"Midnight!? Why so late?"_

_"This is something top-secret-" She yanked several sticks of dynamite from a nearby dresser out, "-and before you are to come, I need you to grab a parcel....." then held from underneath the desk a bow- "at that dango shop near outside of the village I showed you a week ago. Run there as soon as you get off from work and tell the owner of the shop-" and a bag of metal-made arrows from the side. "-that you have come under my order to collect said special parcel. She's been keeping it hidden there."_

_"Thing is, I was supposed to be somewhere tonight-"_

_"You can do your bonding time with Naruto any other night." She said sternly as she opened a massive can of oil she had taken out, and poured it all over one of the arrows that would be placed within it's bow._

_"Yes..." Iruka sighed disappointed._

_"Very well." Tsunade said as she then rolled the ruined photo into a ball, "You may leave now."_

_Footsteps could be heard that faded away. The Hokage quickly ran up to the door and opened it a crack, looking to see that he had left. _

_Coming back to the desk, she lit her photo on fire, threw it out the window, then pointed the oil coated arrow at it before unleashing it-_

_**KABLAM!**_

_A fiery explosion of death sounded, windows shattered to pieces, and flames teared through rooftops!_

_**"THATS WHAT HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL DESERVES WHEN THEY DECIDE TO MESS WITH ME, AND THE GOOD-NATURED CULTURE OF CLASSICAL MUSICALS!!"**_

_---_

_"_........That was YOU?"

"Tsunade-sama, people could have been killed!" Shizune gasped.

"SQUIRTLE!"

"Yeah, yeah, either way this village is gonna die due to the state of things." The old woman shrugged.

"The state of things?"

"Never mind. Iruka, pass me the item."

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small item wrapped in newspaper and passed it to Tsunade.

"Was there any trouble from picking this up?"

"Well, the owner of the dango shop sucked at pronouncing."

"What do you mean?"

----

_An old lady opened the door of the storage area to her dango shop, where Iruka was waiting patiently inside._

_"So you say you are acquainted with Lady Tsunade then?"_

_"Yes, I've come in her place to pick up a parcel she speaks of."_

_"Alright then, let me check your name." She said taking out a small notepad. "You see, I can become very forgetful and unorganized at such an old age so I have those who are on special business, such as your Hokage, write down names so I can then check them off."_

_"Well, that's good."_

_"Let's see..." She zoomed her eyes over one particular page and then stopped at his name. She suddenly had a fit of laughter, and the jonin frowned._

_"Is something wrong...?"_

_"Oh, nothing! I just, uh....didn't know your name was Er-i-ka. Heh heh heh..."_

_"Your pronouncing it wrong." He frowned._

_"Oh am I, Erika? __**BAHAHAHA!"**_

_"YES. It's Iruka. EAR-ROO-CUH."_

_"Oh. Very well, then I apologize." The lady said, still snickering as she took a parcel out of her pocket and handed it to him._

_"Thank you." He said coldly, "This is her package?"_

_"Yeah, yeah....so tell me...*snicker snicker*Iruka....do you come from*snicker*....I-da-ho?"_

_"....No. What's that supposed to mean?"_

_"Oh, I just thought you were from I-DA-HO." She laughed._

_"Why would I be from-" He understood the joke. __**"HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!"**_

---

"She can be like that. But anyway, I'll tell you more about this item later-first, how did those Quahog foreigners do?"

"Well, first of all I didn't expect Mr. Griffin to come....second....well, I-er?"

"Puke it out!"

"Don't you mean spit it out?"

"I'm drunk. I'd be more entertained if you puked words!"

"I'm not going to-"

A rip came from Tsunade's shirt, who obviously drunk, had thrown it open revealing-

**"OH MY GOD!!!"** Iruka screamed, his yell followed by a _**BLARGHH **_as vomit came out.

**"TSUNADE-SAMA!!"**Shizune screamed. At the sight, she reacted the same way with a_** BLARGH.**_ Luckily, her puke had put out the fire on the barely-alive nin!

_"Uhn....what is this on me...._**HOLY-**_**BLAGHHHH**_**!"**Then it came from the fried man and onto Squirtle.

_**"SQUIRTLE-WIRTLE-BLAGHHH!"**_ And onto Iruka.

_**"EW, POKE-VOMIT-BLAGH-" **_Then to Shizune.

**"THIS IS SO HORRIBLE-" **And back to the nin.

**"MY EYES!" **Yet again to the random Squirtle who began having a seizure.

**"SQQQQQUIIIIIIIRRRRRTTTLLEEEE!" **

"Ok, Iruka." Tsunade said, covering herself. "Now that that's over with, tell me WHAT happened with that fat man."

_"P-Peter...performed....flashback....had him..and children...graduate....."_

**"You WHAT!!!?????" **

Iruka gave a gagging noise as he was kicked in the stomach by Tsunade, who walked away. That time the tiny pokemon could handle such puking, as he grew angry..and his body glowed, and....

HE EVOLVED INTO WARTORTLE! As he jumped out the window, the Pokemon theme began to play-

_**"Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all, it's you and meeeee! I know it's my destinyyyyy!"**_

One Hour Later....

"Alright, the hallways are cleaned, the courier ninja is being tended to his burns at the hospital and he'll need a word with you when he's been healed."

Shizune came walking into the office with Iruka. Both were shaking at what had happened earlier. Tsunade was staring out the windows of hers, and intense expression on her face. She then turned to face the others.

"Iruka, what the hell is the matter with you? You pass on an old unexperienced-in-ninja-training man in ONE day?"

"But, his cutaway was-"

"ANY person can do an effing cutaway, you COW!" For the 7th time that day, she punched a person in the gut. He doubled over in pain.

"Ow....but Lady Tsunade, do you not remember? We consider cutaways a genjutsu...."

"He's right!"

"Quiet, Shizune-san. Every single person in a world can just make a cutaway pop up in his or her head! It's all based on ideas. I mean, look at J.K. Rowling!"

----

_"Bloody hell, the weather outside is horrible!"_

_Late at night J.K. Rowling came into the cafe wearing a hat, trench-coat, basic stuff that one with little money had!_

_"Hi, could I have a coffee please?" She asked one of the waitresses. After her coffee had been delivered and drunk, the woman held out a hand._

_"Oh. Uh...."_

_"Well? You got any cash on you?"_

_".......No, not really."_

_"Well then, until you learn the proper way of paying someone you can spend the night here drawing on napkins!" The waitress said as she slammed down a pile of napkins and walked away._

_"Stupid muggle...." Rowling growled as she took out a pen and began doodling. It started out with a boy having a scar and glasses riding a broomstick._

_"Hey.... this could be a good children's book! About a boy at a wizard's school named Harry...Harry...."_

_She peaked at a nearby man in the cafe smoking a cigarette and getting high. _

_"HARRY __**POT**__-TER! BLIMEY!"_

_-----_

"Oh _really_, Tsunade-san? Did J.K. Rowling perform a cutaway that _**EVERYONE**_ in the class saw, even those not listening in, and on a first day of ninja academy with no training as a shinobi whatsoever? **OR **did she just write seven long books that were poorly turned into films and video games with corny british actors?"

"......Well, when you say it like that...I guess...she didn't do the first part...and stuff..."

"Exactly!"

"Not one student has ever done something like this before...." Shizune said in amazement. "What do you think, Tsunade-sama?"

All attention was turned to the Hokage, who now sober, was staring out her window with a serious expression. After long thoughts, she turned to the others.

"I'd say....that most likely, it couldn't have been him in general doing this. Most likely....something powerful a part of him."

"Lady Tsunade...." Shizune breathed, "You don't think he has a....?"

"I can't be sure. But we have to follow rules." Tsunade said, "We just need to do it in a safe secure way for him and his kids to become genin without having too much pain inflicted on the family."

"His kids?" Iruka said.

"You clearly said his kids were a part of this early graduation?"

"Well....I guess, but......"

"......"

"........"

"............"

"............."

"................"

"...................WOW I must have been drugged back there."

"I can understand putting him on a team, but that doesn't mean his kids are experienced!" Shizune frowned.

"Well think about it." Tsunade said, "If Peter doesn't have what we think he has, than obviously it could be a trait his kids have. See, Shizune? It's called thinking."

_"I just got owned!" _She gasped.

"Not to be rude, Shizune." Iruka said. "But, um...**$%3^ YOU, YA LITTLE SLUTTTT!"**

"......."

"I'm...I apologize."

"Well, it's official!" Tsunade said, "In the morning I will called in the captains of Team 7, 8, and 10 to see if they'll have any room for the Griffins! In the mean time, Iruka and I shall play poker while Shizune dances to Caramelldansen."

"But I-"

To prove herself as dominant, the Hokage smashed a nearby vase and pointed it at the assistant's neck.

**"DANCE, DAMN YOU!"**

Music played from Tsunade's boombox, and Shizune was immediately performing the most ridiculous dance.

_**"**__**Vi undrarar ni redo alt vara med**_

_**Armarna upp nu ska ni fa se**_

_**Kom igjen**_

_**Hvem som helst kan vara med!"**_

_----_

_ROFL THOSE WERE CARAMELLDANSEN LYRICS._

_But anyway, sorry people who for sum reason love Zac Effron. Hope you weren't disgusted by the puking scene. But that and Iruka cursing at Shizune were referenced to jokes from Family Guy. And what happened in J.K. Rowling's part never occurred beside her drawing her wonderful ideas on napkins._

_Any understood what I-DA-HO sounds like when in syllables?_

_I.......da.......ho? :D_


	10. The Befriending

_Um not much to say. I saw Shrek the Musical, and my friend told me the whole J.K. Rowling drawing on napkins was a rumor, so that cutaway never, EVER HAPPENED AT ALL. School starts for me in a few days, FML._

_---_

**Chapter 10**

_**The Befriending**_

It was early the next morning at the new Griffin's home, both Meg and Chris were watching T.V. The problem was that Konoha had little TV channels to offer, even when they had a cable box. Here the two were sitting on the couch of their living room, waiting for Lois to drop them off at school while they watched the old episodes of Full House.

"_Oh no! Dad's going to kill us if he finds this mess in here!" An alarmed D.J. gasped. She and her sisters were in the bedroom staring down at a sock lying in front of them._

_"You're in big trouble, mister!" Michelle said, pointing at them._

_"Um, it's just a sock." Stephanie said. "Couldn't we just, you know, pick it up and put it back in the drawer?"_

_Reacting to this, her older sister slapped her across the face. "GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF, STEPH!! We can make it through this!"_

_"Girls, I'm home!" Came Danny's voice from downstairs._

_"Quick, Michelle, distract Dad!" D.J. cried at the three-year old, who ran downstairs._

_"Hey, Daddy! You wanna see my piercings?"_

"Kids, get your bags we're gonna be walking." Lois said as she came in with their lunches.

"Why walk?" Meg asked.

"Well, I wanna try to explore this town a bit more to try and find your Dad. I mean, shouldn't have just let him wonder in the night for a place he doesn't even know where it's located! I feel as guilty as that time I left him in that crowded fast food place with Johnny the Homicidal Maniac!"

______

_"I can't believe the entire place is crowded on a thursday! I mean, there's no where to sit!"_

_"Hey, maybe that guy there can let us sit with him." Peter pointed out, jerking his head at the goth-looking loner who sat by himself, a bloodthirsty look on his face. Lois looked a bit worried at the thought._

_"Peter, I don't think we should-"_

_She had no time to finish her sentence as she was pulled by him towards the table._

_"Hey there! Um, I don't know if you've noticed but it's pretty full in here. You mind if we sit with you?"_

_"Name's Johnny. __**AND YES, I WOULD MIND IF YOU SAT HERE."**_

_"Thank you!" He said cheerfully sitting in a chair._

_"Peter, he doesn't want us to sit with him!" His wife whispered._

_"Lois, when somebody says 'yes', it means you can do whatever you want!"_

_**"HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS WHISPERING ABOUT!?" **__ Johnny yelled at the startled couple as he took out a butcher's knife. "You know, __**I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DECIDE TO IRRITATE ME."**_

_"I gotta go to the bathroom!' Lois said as she ran off, leaving Peter with the killer._

_"Hey, you have a butcher's knife! Do you work here? 'Cause most people who work here are either hobos or guys with poor lives, and not to be rude, but you look like that kind of guy."_

____________

"Dad always forgives and forgets, Mom. Especially when drunk."

"What's that supposed to mean, Chris?"

"Well, I saw him through the window walking away and he rambled on how he'd go and drink lots of booze."

"Oh god, he most be bleeding in the streets somewhere!" She said, suddenly panicked. "Quick, let's hurry!"

"What if he's dead!?" Meg sobbed, "I'll be the only girl at school without a drunk fat ass of a father!"

* * *

_"Ugh, my head….." _As soon as he had awakened, Peter was rubbing onto his aching head. He sat up to see the room he was in. "Where am I?"

"Awesome, you're up!" Naruto came into the room, tying his headband around the head. Peter stared at him.

_"……..Oh my God….."_

"What?"

"Please tell me we didn't do it…."

"Do what…OH MY GOD, Sheesh! That's disgusting, you perverted old man!"

"Oh, that's good. Now here's another question-" Grabbing the closest thing next to him, which was a spoon, he jumped at the boy and slammed him into the wall, the utensil close to his throat.

**"WHERE THE HELL AM I!?"**

"Your in my home! Don't you remember what happened last night!?"

"Of course I remember, wise guy!"

________

_Last night, in Peter's point of view, the scene had it's lights filled. The Jackson 5 were on stage. Right in the middle where Michael would be was instead Peter, with a similar afro and a tight orange outfit. Music began playing from the five and they broke out in song-_

_**"ABC!"**_

_Peter began horrible singing, causing few of the Jackson's to clutch their ears in pain. __**"Easy as... "**_

_**"123….!"**_

_Peter's singing cause their ears to start bleeding.'__**"Or simple as... "**_

_**"Do re mi ….."**_

_**"ABC, 123, baby, you and me girl!"**_

_All four other Jackson's collapsed, and the curtain closed on them._

________________

"……That never happened at all!"

"Of course it did! How would you know?"

"'Cause you've been at my house all night destroying the place!"

"I don't think so!" Peter said smartly as he threw the spoon aside and made his way over to a window.

"Where are you going!?"

_"YOU'LL SEE!" _He said, foolishly grabbing the railing and struggling to climb on top of it. Naruto looked confused, but terrified of what the fat man was doing. Was he still drunk?

"Hey wait! Don't-"

Peter leaped off of the railing and out of the window.

_**"THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEAAAAAALED!!!!!" **_

A long squeal came! "**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"**

A surprisingly soft, but loud thud was heard. Naruto ran off to the window, and looked down. Luckily, he could tell that Peter had landed on someone at the fact that arms and legs were sticking out from under him and flailing around. The young ninja hopped out the window, running down on the walls of the building before he made it to where Peter lay face-flat.

"Robin Williams! Are you alright!? W-What the heck were you trying to do!?"

"First off, my name isn't Robin Williams. Second, NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT. I should've flown onto another building like a ninja does, so I am mortified, thank you very much."

"Your a graduate from the Ninja Academy and you don't even know how to land!?"

He picked up his head. "WELL YA KNOW WHAT, IT'S ONLY BEEN A DAY SINCE I….."

Naruto raised an eyebrow as his voice trailed off. He bent down crossing his arms where they were both at the same eye-level, "Since you what?"

"….Since……I graduated…."

"…..You're kidding, right?"

"YOUR MOM'S KIDDING!"

"I don't have a mom."

"Seriously? And you get to live home by yourself?" He said, looking amazed, "Woah. That's like Dora the Explorer being able to walk around as an immigrant with no parental guidance but a monkey! HAHAHA but yes. I graduated from the academy only yesterday."

"Holy Crap! How'd you do it in only one day!? Wait a sec, you couldn't have, 'cause you weren't even able to jump a building!"

"Well, it's sorta a long story how it happened…"

* * *

"And that's how it happened!"

"How what happened?"

"How I graduated from the Ninja Academy in one day."

"You never told me how you graduated!"

"I didn't?"

"No! You just said it was a long story how it happened, and that was it!"

"I did?"

"Yeah!"

"Huh. That's odd, you should've heard the story once I said how long it was."

"Listen fatty, it sort of takes more than just saying 'it's a long story'. You have to tell me yourself how it happened!"

"But I hate talkiiiiiiing!"

"Fine then, don't tell me!" He snapped standing up and turning to leave.

"Wait, wait, wait! Ok I'll tell you!"

* * *

"And that's how it happened!"

_"Wow….!" _Naruto said, his eyes lit up with admiration. "That is _so_ cool! I don't even think they count that as an actual graduation, but I love the Dark Knight!"

"Well, what can I say?" Peter smirked.

"I mean, I thought you were just some fat drunk pant-less hobo when I took you in, but I shouldn't have judged you…." The boy looked down for a moment, seeming to feel ashamed. After all, he had been judged so many times before in his life.

"Hey, I get it tons of times. It's like high-school with those snobby schoolgirls."

___________

_Several cheerleaders were all gossiping together in high-pitched, obnoxious voices that make you want to __**PUT A $%#ING GUN IN YOUR MOUTH!! **_

_**THAT'S IT!!!**_

_***BOOM*.**_

__________

"………."

"..…..……"

"That…..was not the cutaway I had in mind." Peter looked HIGHLY disturbed.

"You, uh….y-you think she'll be ok…..?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure she's fine, she's an authoress after all. So basically, I'm used to being judged."

"So am I, Mister." Naruto said, beaming.

"By the way, you don't have to keep calling me 'mister.' The name's Peter Griffin." He held out a hand. "Could you help me up, um…?"

The ninja grasped the hand firmly, "Uzumaki Naruto!"

"Nice to meet you, Uzumaki!"

"Naruto."

"What?"

"In Japan last names are said first."

"Screw that, that's gonna mess up my brain! If I decide to call you with your first name in the beginning, then so help me I will!"

Despite slightly annoyed, Naruto agreed with this and pulled him up. "Okay, Peter!"

"You know, Naruto." Peter said as he began to rise, revealing the human-like cushion underneath. "I think this is gonna be the start of a good frie-"

**"OH MY GOD, SAKURA-CHAN!!" **Naruto suddenly screamed as he was thrown into a wall accidentally, while Naruto ran over to the crater he was once in. Lying in there twitching was a head of messy pink hair and a body dressed in red and white.

"SAKURA! Dear god Sakura-chan, are you alright!?" He cried, madly shaking the girl back and forward in his arms. "_Speak to me, Sakura-chan!!!"_

_"Naruto…."_

_"_Oh good, your ok." He dropped her painfully back into the crater as if nothing had happened, and walked back to Peter, who was standing against the wall he had crashed into.

"Sorry about that, Peter!"

_"Na…rut..o!" _They both turned back to the kunoichi who was crawling out of the crater.

_"Fifteen minutes…fifteen minutes I've only been stuck underneath for…__**and I want to kill you!!"**_

"Come on," Peter said. "My ass doesn't smell _that_ bad."

_**"SHUT UP!!"**_ She roared, going berserk as she proceeded to punch the boy in the head harshly, causing him to fall over. _"You're next….!"_

**"WAHHHH!"** As fast as his legs could, Peter sped off with the physcopath chasing on after him.

"Ow…" Rubbing his head, Naruto looked up. "Wait, Sakura! Don't hurt him! Don't hurt- _YEOW!"_

A sudden force had hit him, and he was unable to get up. Something heavy and wet was on top!

"Hey, what the-?" Naruto rolled around to see what had crushed him, and was dumbfounded at the sight.

The body of the Authoress, who's half-head was soaked in blood.

_"..…..…..……………………….Holy…."_

_Meanwhile._

"PETER! Peter! Where are you!?" Lois called out loud through the streets. Her and two out of the three kids were walking about looking around. Several of the bystanders had given the family no clues of where the husband could be whatsoever. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out and extra two copies of Peter's face.

"Meg, Chris, go around asking anyone where your Father could be and report back her in five minutes!"

"Mom, that barely gives us enough time to look!" Meg complained.

"Don't worry, Mom. I have a way! OVER HERE, DRAGON!"

Coming out from the clouds and swooping down was the large feminine dragon from Shrek, roaring ferociously. She lowered her tail, allowing Chris to grab ahold of it, carrying him away as they both vanished into the skies, leaving the girls stupefied.

"……….."

_Meanwhile YET AGAIN!_

Back in the inky darkness, the thief walked up to his master where he sat. "Well, it looks like there's some good news, bad news, and extra good news."

"Ah, tell me."

"None shall be calling you a mix of Michael Jackson/Voldemort anymore, but only Voldemort!"

"You serious?"

"Indeed I am, my Lord!"

_"SWEET, Finally!!!"_

"Er, but the bad news is because Michael Jackson has recently passed."

The Lord stopped cheering, and turned to his apprentice with a rather dark look.

"…….What?"

"He was found having passed of cardiac arrest some while ago…."

"….What? How did-!? _WHEN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN!?"_

"About a couple of months ago."

**"..……..A COUPLE OF EFFING MONTHS AGO!?"**

"Yes, well it's hard for us to get in touch with the world lately when it comes to going incognito."

"But….but I….how could…._HE JUST DIED!?"_

"The next day, they started having an all-day Michael Jackson video special on MTV."

_"Dammit, Michael! _And I wanted to show you my own dance version of Thriller!"

"Er- before you start doing that dance which I'm sure we all _might've appreciated_, there is still extra good news."

"Well? Spit it out then, my mood is already bad enough now that my idol is gone! Not like it'll get any better."

What the master had said was at that last part was entirely wrong once he heard these extra good news.

"They have befriended."

"………." Despite that it was hard to see the cold white face of this snake-man, a dastardly curling grin popped up. "They've befriended, you say? Well, Kabuto, this changes my mood for the day, now doesn't it?"

"Indeed, Lord Orochimaru." Kabuto said, sharing the same nasty smirk.

"Why, and just to think!" The man said as he got up, and began pacing in circles evilly, "It'll only take a matter of time when the rest of our plan is to take afoot! The only problem is that I still haven't been able to fill out the middle part of our plan, but in the end all those ninja friends, including that jinchuriki, will be out of the picture! And Sasuke-kun will have come over to me seeking the power to murder Itachi Uchiha.…"

"But how are we supposed to accomplish all of this if we still don't know what to do next?"

_"I think I can help you with that tiny part, my good man." _

Both ninja's turned to the door, which was wide open revealing the light from outside. The shiny light came pouring in over them, revealing their faces, and the faces of the one who had entered their hideout.

"Greetings, gentleman." Stewie Griffin said.

_**"OH MY ^%&#ING GOD, KABUTO!!" **_Oro screamed out, looking panicked at the one year old. **"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ON TOP!?"**

_"Ew, I think it's his head!!!"_ Kabuto wailed as he began bouncing up and down and waving his hands, as if he was the home-state mother and Stewie was the mouse in his kitchen.

"There's nothing wrong with my head!" Stewie said, shielding his forehead. "My Brain was just stretched out when I was still inside of Lois, that's all…"

___________

_About a year ago and Peter was handing the boom box to a pregnant Lois._

_"Peter, how is this supposed to held the baby when he comes out?"_

_"Well, any baby can hear what's going on outside, right? All I have to do is play any child's song and it'll be born a happy baby!"_

_Peter went and pressed play, the CD inside which was called Disney's Beloved Songs began playing._

_**"It's a world of laughter, a world of tears,**_

_**its a world of hopes, its a world of fear,**_

_**theres so much that we share,**_

_**that its time we're aware,**_

_**its a small world after all!"**_

_Inside the uterus in a ball was an unborn Stewie, his head shaped like any normal child. He looked very upset and annoyed, his eyes going blood shot._

"_HEY! Will you keep it down out there!? I'm trying to sleep!"_

_**"Its a small world after all,**_

_**its a small world after all!"**_

_"Oh….My head!!" He cried our, grabbing the side of his head and pulling it apart, causing it to shape like a football._

__________

"Wait a sec, I remember you…" Kabuto said. "Your that baby that ran off!"

"Exactly, and I've ran off to help you guys!"

"Why?" Orochimaru asked.

"Well, you two would probably think of me as some 'snot-nosed brat who'd get in the way'. Well, I'm _much _different. I have a proposal for you two."

"We're listening…."

"Let me in on whatever plan your making! "

"What!?" Kabuto snapped.

"You say that you haven't even filled in the next part. Just let me work with you and I'll help you out!"

"And what exactly would someone your age want in exchange?" Orochimaru asked of him with a smirk.

_"Oh you know," _Stewie said with a light sigh, as if it were no big deal. "_A little share in world domination, some basic ideas of mine to this hideout of yours,_ _**THE DEATH OF LOIS GRIFFIN."**_

"What? You want to kill your own mother…?" The thief said, looking disturbed.

"So? Your leading in that Sasuke boy and telling him he'll have enough strength to kill his own bloody brother!"

"Yes, but…that's a completely different story!"

"Hold on, Kabuto. Let us ponder for a moment."

Both huddled up together in the corner from where they couldn't be heard.

_"Lord Orochimaru! Your'e not considering recruiting this brat, are you?"_

_"Now think about it, Kabuto! This is just some poor boy who's offering to help out with us." _The snake-man said, staring at Stewie with a hungry look.

_"What exactly are you thinking…?"_

_"Well, let's put it like this. This is a boy who can talk, is MUCH younger than Sasuke, use weaponry plus plot, and traveled all the way from Konoha on foot! Imagine what more we could learn about….compared to an Uchiha's famous Sharingan, we might not _need_ Sasuke-kun…."_

_"Ye-ah….."_ Kabuto said, the same idea going into his head. They turned back to Stewie.

"Alright Boy. You, me, and Kabuto shall work from this day on to rid of Konoha once and for all!"

"And now we share the maniacal laughter??" Stewie asked excitedly.

"AND NOW WE SHARE THE MANIACAL LAUGHTER!! **MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!"**

**"BAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!"**

**"TEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEHEE!!!"**

Both awkward looks were earned to Kabuto's girlish laugh.

"….……What? We all have a different maniacal laugh in each and every one of us!"

_______

_OH NOZ, STEWIE IZ WITH OROCHIMARU! What has he done!? Will Peter survive the attack of Sakura?? Dontcha worry, kiddies, you'll survive till next chap_

…_.you will survivvvve! oh as long as you know how to love you both will stay alivveee- ok i'm done singing. _

_hope I didn't freak you out with that part where i shot myself! I WOULD NEVS DO THAT, i just couldn't think of what to say in that cutaway so I made that happen. _


	11. On The Way To The Meeting

_Well, high school has begun. The school is big and the textbooks will KILL you. i've managed to construct a way carrying them around without my shoulder breaking, so thats ok_

_Naruto shippuden will be coming dubbed to america on DISNEY XD apparently!? I REALLY don't no wat to say bout that. especially since they're also showing fresh prince of bel-air..?_

_for those who are wondering if the akatsuki will appear in this tale, OF COURSE THEY SHALL! just much much later..._

_---_

**Chapter 11**

_**On The Way To The Meeting...**_

"Dad! Dad! Where are you?" After Chris's…'dramatic' exit, Meg had left Lois and was walking around, feeling hopeless.

"Ugh, I'm never going to find him! I mean, he'll always does something just not to deal with me!"

**_____**

_It was ten years ago, and a seven year Meg came walking into the the living room where Peter was staring intently at the TV screen._

_"Daddy, I'm bored. Will you play a game with me?"_

_"Yeah, sure." He said in a droning tone, eyes still glued to the screen. "See that box over there with the bug spray in it? Could you hand it to me?"_

_"Um. Ok." She grabbed the nearby cardboard box with the can in it, and placed it in front of Peter._

_"Alright, just hand me the can sweetie and sit in there-" Meg did so, fitting inside. "-Yup, just like that."_

_"What game are we playing?"_

_Responding, he sprayed her with the toxic causing her to black out. He closed the lid on her and sat back down. Few seconds later, Lois came in._

_"Peter, I'm stopping by the post office to deliver something. Do you need me to drop off anything?"_

_"Yeah, see that box there? There's some, uh, canned food inside and I need it sent to Africa for the orphanage there."_

_"Which orphanage?"_

_"Any one is fine."_

________

Meg turned the corner of the street, only to bump into someone.

"Oh, sorry! I'm in a hurry-" she gave a sudden excited gasp. "Oh, um, hi Sasuke!!"

" Hello." The boy said, raising an eyebrow.

"Iruka-sensei introduced us, remember?"

"Oh yeah, your father was the one who had met Daniel Radcliffe." He said turning to walk away.

"Um, yeah!" She said quickly stepping in his path. "Uh, actually I was wondering if you've seen him! He went to uh…the elderly to assist them and hasn't been back for a while!"

"Hm. He shouldn't waste his time helping a bunch of old bags who've lived their lives." He shrugged about to walk around her.

"Uh, yeah!" She thought instantly as she moved again to block his way."I like, SO know what you mean! Heheheh! Heh…"

"….I'm going now." He said turning around when Meg desperately grabbed his arm.

"W-Where are you going? Can I come? Maybe my dad might be there!"

"I highly doubt it, I was going to the Academy to meet up with my team leader to hear an urgent announcement."

"Really? 'Cause my dad had gone there to uh…the elderly to assist them!"

"Why would they be at a ninja academy for kids?"

"Yeah! What I meant was that the elderly are hobo's and they live in the closets of the school, so he had gone there to um…wait, I need more time to think of a better story…"

_**"GET BACK HERE!!"**_ Both turned in the distance to see a large round figure coming in their direction.

_"What the hell is wrong with you!?" _The familiar voice of Meg's father cried.

"I have anger issues with any annoying person, so come on here so I can stab you!!" The familiar voice of Sasuke's teammate and admirer called at Peter.

"Dad….!?"

"Sakura...!?" They both cried at the same time. Suddenly, another screaming could be heard from behind.

"WAIT! WAIT, OH GOD! Don't kill each other!!"

"Naruto!?" Sasuke yelled. "What the heck is-"

At that moment, everyone around who were running had now come into the area. They had little time to recognize who they were but scream as they got closer into crashing!

**"AGGHHHHHHHHHHH-"**

Crashith.

* * *

On the way to the academy where she had been summoned by Kurenai-sensei, Hinata had only been halfway down the road. That is when an old classmate had stepped out of her family's flower shop.

"Hey, Hinata-chan!" She waved.

"O-Oh. Hello, Ino." She said shyly as the blonde walked by her side from the doorstep,

"Let me guess, you're heading to the academy?"

"Yes! How'd you know?"

"Well, Asuma-sensei wanted us to meet up with him there, and I figured Kurenai has to be there if he is!" She said, playfully nudging her in the ribcage.

"Oh, yeah…"

"So how's things with you're team?"

"Well, Kiba's dog has been acting strange recently."

"How strange?"

"He keeps asking where there's a nearby liquor store."

"I had a dog who kept asking for Scooby Snacks."

________

_"No, Scooby!" An annoyed Ino was putting some flowers in a vase inside the shop while the great dane kept whining._

_"Rawm oonnn!! Run, rokay!??"_

_"Look, Scooby, I've told you before! I've looked everywhere and there is no pets store, let alone a vet, recommending Scooby-snacks!!"_

_"Roo raven't rooked ward enough!!"_

_**"CAN WE GET ANOTHER DOG, MOM!?"**_

_________

"So yeah." She said awkwardly, trying to think of what else to talk about. Immediately, it had hit her like a cement block! That hard, yes.

"So tell me, Hinata! Who do you like?"

"What do you mean who do I like?"

"Come off it, you know! Every girl here likes Sasuke, and by the way- HE IS MINE FOREVS, but for some reason, you don't which is odd."

"Oh…"

"Is this guy _actually_ cuter than Sasuke?"

"Well," she said dazing into a outer space. _"He can be brave, daring, the kind guy you can depend on and think about if you're ever having a hard time…"_

_"Ooh!_ I might know him! What does he look like?"

_"Blonde hair…" _She sighed dreamily,_ "Usually wears a bit of blue and orange here and there…"_

"Did somebody describe me?" The two turned to see Chris coming into the scene holding a photo. The Hyuga gasped at the sight of him. Blonde hair, a blue shirt, and an _orange_ hat….

"Hi, I'm looking for my Dad cause he got drunk again. Have you seen- hey, I remember you!" He pointed at a trembling Hinata, "You're that eskimo!

"Ew, Hinata!" Ino squealed, "You're dating a fat kid who calls you an eskimo!? That's worse than Chouji!"

"Wh-What!?" She choked, horrified. Her crush wasn't this new kid, it was Naruto of course! Naruto was the one with the blonde hair, orange jumpsuit with a little blue seen! "N-No…! It's not him I like!! He's not my true love!!"

"I just found a penny and tried to fit it in my ear, but now it's stuck and you see Lincoln whenever I turn to my left!" Chris suddenly said. "Do you wanna see it?"

_"No! You're not my true love!" _She screamed, running away,_** "YOU'RE NOT MY TRUE LOVE…!!!!"**_

"You freak, you just scared her off!" Ino snapped at him.

"Do you wanna see Lincoln?"

"Ugh, no!" She spat, turning a corner with him following. In his left ear-drum, he could hear the voice of the coin speaking to him.

_"Don't worry 'bout her, my Lad! Why, in my time all were judged! But just with a little justice, I had the South free the slaves and they were stopped being abused!"_

The boy didn't say anything to him, which made him feel a little worried.

_"Er…they had stopped being abused…right?"_

"Well, in the nineteen sixties, yeah."

_"You serious? All that hard work I did and its only, what, around a hundred years later they're treated as equals? Well gosh, that's bull!"_

Ino suddenly stopped in her tracks, as the sound of rumbling could be heard nearby.

"Do you hear that?" She asked her follower.

"You can hear him too?"

"No, not your' imaginary friend Abe, I mean that!" She turned the corner with him, and they both gasped at the brawl going on between Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Meg, and Peter.

Below the pile of fighters and the weakest was Meg, who was screaming and flailing around as she was crushed. Right on top had to be Peter on his back, who had Sakura's hair in a fist-full while he used his left leg to keep kicking her in the stomach. He was using his other hand to hold Naruto upside down. The boy had a kunai and was swinging it around, hitting nobody in particular. Sasuke was strangling Naruto by the throat, while using his leg to kick Peter in the side. Sakura had a few needles out and was violently trying to slice up Peter's face, but he kept holding her back. All were screaming random gibberish during the panicking moment.

_"Let go of my hair!!"_

_"I can't move, this hurts so much!!!"_

_**"AGH! LET GO OF ME, SASUKE!!"**_

_"I'm trying to picture you as Itachi hold still!"_

_"YOU DISGRACE ALL PINK HAIRED GIRLS!!!"_

_"Oh-my-gosh!!" _Ino shrieked. Thinking fast she did a few hand signs, then collapsed unconscious.

"Wow, she died!" Chris exclaimed.

"I'm not dead, look over here will you!?"

He looked at the hoodlums to see one of them, whose eyes were now a pale blue like Ino's, had dropped her needles.

"Dad, the girl with pink hair doesn't have any pupils!"

"Not now, Chris, you're father's beating her up!" Peter replied as he bonked his head at hers.

"OW!" She squawked, slapping his hand away. "I'm not that ugly Sakura, darnit! Help me, fat kid!"

"Um….ok!" Turning, he walked away.

"WAIT!" He heard her scream as he turned to the same corner they had come by, only to be stopped by a couple of kids near his age. One had his short black hair in a ponytail, and had on a vest. Next to him was a small boy with the same girth as Chris, who was stuffing his mouth full of potato chips.

"Hey, did you see a girl in purple with blonde hair and a really sassy attitude?"

"I think she died."

**"WHAT!?" **Alarmed, he grabbed both fat people by their hands and dragged them back to the fight, which was where 'Sakura' gasped at their sight.

"Shikamaru! Chouji! Help me here!"

"Oh god!" Shika sighed, relieved for a moment before he did his own hand-signs and a black shadow crawled from his feet and over to where Sasuke stood. The Uchiha gave a gasp and stood rigid for a moment, before mimicking Shikamaru who pretended to drop something. Naruto gave a 'bounce' as he fell on his head.

"Ow…!" He groaned.

"Ha! I'm winning!"

"GO DAD!" Chris cheered on.

_"Thats it, I can't eat with all this violence!"_ Chouji suddenly said as he threw his bag aside, and put his hands together

"Wait, Chouji!" Shika said, wide eyed.

"Don't!" Ino yelped, before earning another kick.

_**"BAIKA NO JUTSU!!" **_At that moment, everyone had stopped bashing each other, and looked up with fear in their eyes. Towering over them menacingly was the large round beach-ball like Chouji who, in place, was spinning frantically preparing to run them over.

Peter blinked. Then opened his mouth to say something, but paused then spoke.

"Well…..uh…..bye!" Throwing aside Ino/Sakura, he grabbed Naruto by his foot and sped off.

**"SHOOP DA WOOP!!!" **The demonic boy cried as he rolled off at Peter, who had the many others following after him screaming for their lives. Apparently for some odd reason, a white blazing beam spat out of his mouth burning the ground.

* * *

"Gee, Hinata! It took you a while to get here." Kiba, Shino, and Kurenai were all standing by the entrance to the Academy with Tsunade and Shizune, rather impatient looks upon their faces. Hinata had just come up, panting in exhaustion.

"S-Sorry! I-I was running late…"

"Would you happen to know where the others are by any chance?" Tsunade asked, an annoyed tone to her voice.

"Um…Ino was just on her way here…"

**"WELL THEN WHERE ARE THE ^&$ING OTHERS!?"** She snapped, punching a fence, leaving a crushing hole.

"Lady Tsunade! Will you stop being so violent!?" Shizune snapped.

_**"I'M COO-COO FOR CRACK!!" **_She roared angrily, stomping over to a nearby pole to rest her head. As she did so, Brian, who had been sitting out quietly smoking a cigarette decided to walk up to Kurenai and try his 'moves.'

"So um…Kurenai, I don't really know if we've talked much or anything, but uh, was wondering if there's anything I can do to help get the others here?"

"Nah, it's alright." She said, not even pay the least amount of attention to the fact that this dog was talking.

"You sure?"

"Yep."

"You really sure?"

"Uh-huh."

"Positive?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Extremely?"

"……"

_"Extremely?"_

Starting to pay no attention, she pulled out a small book and began reading it.

"Ok then." He groaned, turning away.

_Man, I've never had this much trouble trying to give a woman a hint!_ Brian thought to himself. _Am I coming on too fast? I mean, technically I'm not actually asking her out on a date….yet.'_

"Hey, Akamaru! Look what I got!" Trying not scream at this name, he directed his gaze over to Kiba who came walking over, holding a plastic bag full of a green plant. "While I had gone off to find the others, I passed this guy on the streets who threw this over!"

"……You do realize that's weed, right?"

"It is? I thought it was some sort of edible salad. But thanks for telling me, I''l go throw it away-"

_**"NO, wait!" **_He cried pulling on the leg of the boy. "I-Uh..mean, uh…I read in an important article that….weed is good for dogs!"

"It is?"

"Yeah! Helps their…bones grow hard….sorta like milk…?"

"Well, eat up then!" He said shoving a handful of grass in his mouth.

"Yes..!" The dog cheered with joy as he ran off. _"Sweetness…!"_

"Ah, dogs." The canine lover sighed. His happiness was quickly broken as a tall red hair woman came running past him and to Tsunade.

"Lady Tsunade, thank goodness I found you! Peter's missing and-"

"What..? What do you mean he's missing!?"

"I kicked him out last night for just a while, but he hasn't returned! Worst of all is the same with Stewie and Brian-"

"Somebody say my name?"

Startled, Lois turned around and almost shrieked at the sight of her shivering house pet.

**"BRIAN! **_**OHMY…!**_ _Oh my god, thank god you're alive!" _She wailed hugging the dog, "We were all worried and…what's that smell?"

"Uh…?" She proceeded to open up his mouth and caught sight of the grass lying at the teeth.

"Brian, _what is that?"_

_"…….Uh..…….weed?"_

"What!? That's it, you're coming with me right now-"

"Hey, hold on one sec!" Kiba growled grabbing his right paw, "Akamaru ain't going nowhere, lady!"

"What kind of a name is that!? His name is Brian, and he belongs with his family!" She said protectively clutching the left paw.

"Yeah, that would be with me and the rest of Team 8! Right guys!?"

"Um. Ok?" Hinata murmured.

_"I do not wish to take part in this." _Shino stated bluntly.

Kurenai continued to read, and just seeing her reminded Brian why he hadn't bothered running away to Lois.

"Uh…"

"Brian, tell this kid who you are!" Lois demanded.

"Uhm…I…you must have me mistaken for my uh, other brother...."

"What!?"

"You have another brother, Akamaru?" Kiba said, letting go, "You never told me! Well, I mean that was back when you didn't talk just until yesterday."

"Exactly!" The mother snapped, "What other dog beside Brian could-?"

"Scooby Doo?"

_"We already put him as a joke in this chapter, and we aren't gonna have him in another!"_

"Lady who I have never met before in my life!" Brian suddenly spoke, dragging her away by the hand a few feet, "I need to talk to you in private…"

_"Brian, what is going on!?" _She hissed to him once they were far away. _"Who is this kid!? Why does he keep calling you Akamaru?"_

_"Listen, Lois, to cut a long story short…I tried to stop Stewie from running away, but this kid grabs me from outta no where and apparently I look like his dog."_

_"But you're not his dog! Why would you tell him that!?"_

_"See his team leader over there?"_ He asked, jerking his head to Kurenai, still occupied in her book.

_"Yeah, what about her?"_

_"Well…I, uh…."_

It then dawned on her. _"Brian, you have got to be kidding…."_

_"Hey, I have a chance, don't I?"_

_"Yeah, but you'd be better off with Jillian!"_

_"You know we aren't dating anymore!"_

_"I can understand why, but look at this girl! She looks like some demonic demon, who on Earth has red-eyes!?"_

_"There's a lot of people with red eyes, people just think it's awkward to be near them!'_

____________________________________

_A man who was looking throughout DVDs in the video store minded his own business. A voice came from behind._

_**"HeY…"**_

_He turned around, to see it was a worker with blonde hair…AND BLOOD RED EYES._

_"U-Uh….hi…."_

_**"WaTcHa LoOkInG aT….?"**_

_"…….Uh..um….hor…ror movies….?"_

_**"I gOt A bUnCh Of ReCoMeNdAtIoNs…HoW aBoUt-?"**_

_**"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!!!" **__He screamed, jumping over the selection of movies and out through the glass window._

_"….I was gonna say Nightmare on Elm Street…."_

________________________________________

_"Point is, I know I have a chance, but you gotta let me go through with it!"_

_"First off, your' eating weed, so you're obviously insane. Second, until either Stewie or Peter is found we need your' help!"_

At the most convenient time, a whooshing noise could be heard from up above, and smashing into the ground were a bundle of around eight pedestrians. Rolling next to the pile of destroyed people came Chouiji, before his extra fat began to deflate and he turned back to normal. Walking by came a tall man in his green vest with a small stubby beard, smoking a cigarette.

"Hey all, sorry if I was late….um…_whoa…?"_

A poof of smoke came on the tree branch above Shizune's head, it appearing to be another man with white spiky hair and had of his face covered by a mask.

"Yo, sorry I'm late, there was a bank rob and…......uh.............. does this mean I don't have to give an excuse?"

The chapter proceeds to end with a cliffhanger, where the branch broke and fell onto poor Shizune.

________

_Finally, I got this done! Took a while due to interruptions. _

_Just so you all know, one reason for these interruptions is the lack of ideas on cutaways. You're free to give me random ideas for cutaways, and if I don't know it, I'll either look it up or ask you bout it lolz!_


	12. Teams

_anyone else feel upset that the blood in naruto shippuden in english was cut out? and that they're mis-pronouncing tons of names? (sauce-er-ee instead of sasori, kiss-eh-meh instead of kisame?) WHAT IF TOBI SOUNDS LIKE SPONGEBOB!? O.O_

_One good thing is Deidara's voice. yum…._

_(snaps out of fantasy) ANYWAY, on with the story!_

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 12**

_**Teams**_

"……..Ok Brian, you got me there. _Peter!"_

_"Lois!" _He too gasped, stepping over the groaning children and over to embrace her. "What the heck are you doing here!?"

"Looking for you, of course! I told you to come back after you went to talk to Iruka-sensei!"

"Yeah…that's what I did…."

"Er, excuse me?" Tsunade spoke up, "Forgive me, Peter, but Iruka was with Shizune and I most of the night discussing some important matters concerning your training."

"Well then where else could he have gone?"

"He was sorta bugging everyone at Ichiraku ramen so Pops wanted me to take him home for the night." Naruto intervened as he managed to stand.

"You didn't even bother telling him where you live?" Lois said.

"I was in my own little dream land!" Peter defended.

"You were drunk, weren't you?"

_"N-No!_ I was actually in Dreamland…._.and uh.._…..Kirby was there too!"

* * *

_The scenery was peaceful and beautiful, blue skies and bright green grass. A castle was in the background sitting on the ledge of a cliff. Peter came walking by, looking around._

_"Huh. This is weird." He stopped walking as a pink puffball with eyes and feet came walking up to him._

_"Poyo! Hi! Poyoo!"_

_"Awww, you're so cute!" He squealed._

_"Puy! Puy-puy!" He sang, doing his adorable trademark dance. Reaching from behind, Peter took out a gun and handed it over to Kirby._

_"Here, Joe gave me this the other day for protection. Let's see what happens when you suck it up."_

_Hesitating, Kirby opened his mouth, bringing the pistol inside. Nothing happened._

_"Well that was a rip-off."_

_He then took out a termite gun._

_"..…..…..Uh….h…elp..."_

* * *

"But Dad, America would find it too inappropriate for children to show Kirby with a gun." Chris said as he stuck his head out.

"Well," The latest arriver finally spoke, "That's because your country can become paranoid when it comes to these kinds of things and they'll usually get 4kidsTV to block out the good stuff, which is why most people would rather watch the Japanese version, even if you have to read the subtitles. It's a good thing 4kids show their stuff on a Saturday morning too, nobody ever gets up that early in the morning."

"…………….._Who are you again?"_

"Peter, that's Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto said.

"Oh. Nice to meet you, sensei."

"Nice to meet you too-"

**"CAN WE FREAKIN GET BACK ON TRACK!?" **Tsunade roared at them.

"Yes you said you were discussing something about the kids and Peter's training?" Lois said.

"Yes, it's of much great news you should all be aware of." She said solemnly, "You see…."

"WAIT!"

_**"WHAT!?"**_ She snapped at the pink hair, _**"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?**_ Wait a sec…Ino…?"

"Yeah, um, long story….can I quickly get my body back?"

"…Just make it quick."

"OK." With a blink, her once pale-blue eyes turned light green.

"What…what ha.." She saw the oldest Griffin. _**"YOU..…!"**_

**"SAKURA-CHAN, WAIT!!" **Naruto cried, pushing her back, "He really didn't mean anything! It was an accident!"

**"ACCIDENT MY ASS!"**

"_heheheh, she said ass."_ Peter laughed.

"Just calm down, Sakura!"

**"I SAID NO!"**

"Sakura, calm down."

"Ok, Sasuke-kun!" As if nothing had happened she threw Naruto aside but then frowned, noticing how Meg was woozily hanging onto him by the arm. Both caught contact, and glared at each other.

"Meg, you can let go now." Sasuke told her sternly, unaware of the glaring daggers coming from his team mate.

"….Right, sorry..." She said, letting his arm free but still giving the younger girl a glare.

"You know what? I'm getting impatient and I want to get this over with." Tsunade sighed.

"Everyone listen up! Peter, Iruka sensei-"

"Guy with the scar across his face?"

"Yes Peter, him. 'Guy with the scar across his face' and I looked over what you accomplished yesterday."

"It couldn't have been anything good, could it?" Lois asked.

"Actually Mrs. Griffin, from his point-of view it was 'very kick-ass."

_"All-rigghhhtt!"_ Peter whistled.

"So we're positive he, and your' children, are ready to start as genin."

"But they don't know anything about the way of ninja." Brian said.

"Which is why we planned out this. For a few months as a trial, we are going to put Peter, Meg, and Chris on a team with other shinobi in training and under the instruction and protection of a skilled jonin."

**"MAD NINJA SKILLZ!!!" **Chris cheered.

"There are specific missions that rank as D, C, B, A, and S from lowest to highest." Shizune said.

"All genuine participate in D rank missions, and usually C ranked." The man named Kakashi said, "These normally include things such as escorting people, or a range of community service."

"It's rare that any genin will have to do anything more serious than that," Tsunade said, "And if so, we can assure you that their leaders do their best to protect them with their lives."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Naruto spoke up. "What about that time when we were escorting that old man to his village and got attacked by that Zabuza guy who trapped Kakashi-sensei in a water jutsu and me and Sasuke had to-"

_"You know, Naruto."_ Kakashi suddenly spoke. _"Every time you say something stupid, a pedestrian gets killed every day."_

"………."

"What about the rest of their training though?"

"I'm sure they'll learn just more than a thing or two during missions from their teammates, and yours truly." Scoffed the man with the cigarette.

"I don't know…." She said uncertainly.

"Come on, Lois! What's the worse that could happen?"

**"PETER, YOU FREAKING DISAPPEAR LAST NIGHT GIVING THIS BOY TROUBLES!"**

"I-I know!" He said nervously, "I know, but I'm positive it won't be like the time Brian and I went to see the David statue…"

* * *

_"Thanks for coming with me to see this, Peter." Brian said as he held his camera standing in front of the old Marble David with Peter alongside in the museum. "Wow, I never thought I'd be able to see this thing in person!"_

_"It's amazing, huh? How this thing was carved by Michaelangelo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!"_

_"Uh, actually Peter-"_

_"Hey, Brian look!" He suddenly exclaimed. Taking a step forward, he began pinching the nose._

_"Heheheh! Got you'r nose! Got your nose! Got your nose! Got your nose! Got your-"_

_**CRACK.**_

_**"OH CRAP!!!"**_

_**"PETER, YOU IDIOT!!!"**_

_"UM-UM-Oh my god!" He panicked, waving the the torn off nose around stupidly, then began slamming it at it's spot._

_"D-Don't worry Brian! I'm sure I can get this back on-"_

_"Peter, stop!" The dog yelled as cracks ran across David's face, causing the head to shatter in chunks!_

_"Uh-um um!? I'll just put it together and uh-" With his fingers shaking madly, he collected the pieces and attempted to put them all together and jam it at it's neck. Yep, more cracks running down the body._

_"PETER, JUST STOP NOW-"_

_"-No! No, I got it-!"_

_"-I'm serious, that's enough!-"_

_"-I know I can do this, shut up-"_

_"-Know you can do what!? The thing's falling apart!"_

_Smash! Crunch! Snap, crackle, pop!_

_Just like that, the entire thing gave one last shatter before falling down at the ground. A horrible silence stretched on between the two._

_"………….Wow, who ever knew this thing was so breakable."_

_**"OF COURSE IT'S BREAKABLE, IT'S BEEN AROUND FOR CENTURIES AND YOU DESTROYED IT!" **__Brian snapped at him angrily. The sound of footsteps could be heard from nearby. "Oh god, the tourists are coming!"_

_"I got an idea, clear away the rubble!" Peter said, as he and his pet pushed aside all the worn out marble, while he proceeded to throw all off clothes beside underwear._

_"Now, as you can see here."The tour-guide said, leading the group in, "We have here Michaelangelo's famous David, sculpted in-"_

_He and the others stopped, staring at Peter who was still making a similar-like pose to David, a nervous Brian standing right next to him._

_"Hmm….something does not seem right here…..Hey, no dogs are allowed in the museum!"_

_

* * *

_

_" _Lois, think about it this way." Brian said, "Stewie's been missing with no word of where he's gone, and so far Peter hasn't done anything in this new environment that has gotten anyone killed, and himself."

"So you' actually think that Peter has what it takes to be a ninja, the closer it'll be to finding Stewie…."

"Makes sense to me." Peter shrugged.

"Well, if you don't believe us, then follow me." Kakashi suddenly said as he turned and leaped off the ground and away out of sight. All other nin copied him and did the same thing.

*

*

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*

*

*

*

*

*

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*

*

*

*

*

*I repeat. All NIN, leaving the Griffins behind.

"Um….were we supposed to run after them?" Meg asked, puzzled.

"I CAN DO THAT!" Chris cheered as he leaped into the air, before crashing into a tree and onto his back.

"MEG, look what you've done to you'r brother!" Peter spat at her.

"But I didn't do anything!"

_"Yes you did…!"_

"Hey, I'm back!" Running up their side came the young girl who had possessed Sakura before. She faltered, noticing the missing amount of people.

"Aw man, they ditched me again! Wait, what are you still doing here?"

"Apparently they expect us to catch up with them." Brian grumbled.

"I think they've gone to the training grounds, follow me I've got a short cut!" She exclaimed as she ran over to the tree Chris had jumped into, and knocked on it twice. A wooden door from the tree flew open! Five out of the Six Griffins followed her inside, Chris being dragged behind by Brian. As they passed through the insides they made it out through a new light, to be faced by a wide field of grass, surrounded by trees!

"Oh my! How did we get here?" Lois gasped.

"Made this path in my spare time!" The kunoichi smirked, then gave a dreamy sigh, "I sometimes use it when Sasuke-kun is training topless…"

"……………" They stared at her. But just then, the awkward silence was interrupted by the thuds of feet landing beside them, drawing the sounds of gasps.

"My word, how did you get here so fast!?" Tsunade exclaimed.

"We…..flew after…you…?" Peter said, trailing off.

"Told ya he was something!" Naruto grinned.

"Well, we'll see about that." Kakashi said as he reached into his back pouch and unzipped it. "You see those three stumps over there?"

The family turned back to see what he was pointing to nearby, which happened to be three stumps coming out of the ground.

"Let me guess, your going to tie us up and force us to watch Nickelodeon's new shows?" Peter said.

"…No, Peter. To prove that you're worthy to start as a genin,I want you and you'r kids to try steal these from me." He held up a pair of bells.

"I remember this!" Sakura gasped, "It was our first training. Naruto, Sasuke and I had to try and get the bells from you before noon or else we'd get no lunch. Of course in your case, it would be noon the next day since it's already past that. To get the bells, we needed to have the intent of killing you as an enemy…"

She looked up, to see Peter was standing right in front of her, twiddling his finger in her hair.

_"…….What are you doing…?"_

"Is this natural?"

_**"OF COURSE, IT'S NATURAL!" **_She roared.

"Well, you don't have to get all b$%#hy about it."

_"What!?" _

"Let's get this started then, everyone clear away!" Sasuke called to the others as they all backed away in the forest."

"Meg, Chris, Peter, good luck!" Naruto waved at them as he joined the others, leaving Peter and his kids with the mysterious jonin.

"Wait, why are we doing this?" Meg asked.

"Lady Tsunade clearly stated you were all in on this." Kakashi replied. "As Sakura stated, you all have 24 hours. Good luck."

_Poof!_

"Cool, he exploded!" Chris exclaimed.

"Um, DO WE GET BATHROOM BREAKS DURING THIS?" He called to the others.

"Of course not!" Tsunade snapped at him.

_"BUT I GOTTA GO NOW!!" _Chris whined.

"Hey, everyone huddle up!" Peter called to his kids, "I got an idea as to how we can get the bells!"

"Well, what is it?" Meg asked.

* * *

"Hmm, it seems they haven't made any attempt at trying to find me." Kakashi said to himself. He had gotten to the outskirts of the training grounds near a small stream, sitting up top at the peak of a cliff above. "This'll give me sometime to catch up on reading then…"

_**"AHHH!" **_

He hopped up alarmed at the shriek, looking around. It had come from the water…

Now up, he ran down at the sides of the cliff before he made it down into the 3 foot deep water, and looked in front of him.

"I'm here to…what the!?"

"NO EDWARD, DON'T!"

In front of him was a Meg in distress trapped by Chris who had his hat off, hair tied in a pony tail and was only wear his jeans and an open jacket, also holding a video camera.

**"TELL HIM TO UM**…UM…um….."

_"……Avenge me?"_

_**"TELL HIM TO AVENGE YOU…!"**_

"What are you doing….?" Kakashi blinked looking scarred mentally.

"Kakashi-sensei, you have to help me!" Meg cried with "terror" in her voice. Putting down the camera, Chris decided to grab her by the hand and bite it.

"OW!!" Meg cried, slapping it away, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?"

"What? Isn't that what he does in the movie?"

"Um, can I intervene here?" The older nin asked, "First of all, James the vampire isn't fat. Second, in your attempts to look helpless I can see your a bad actress as Kristen Stuart, and third- why would there be vampires here?"

"It was Dad's idea." Chris shrugged.

"Where is he, anyway?"

**"RIGHT HERE!!!" **Jumping from the shadows came Peter, who landed right on Kakashi! "_Hand over those balls!"_

Everyone stared at him.

"………..oh. I uh, I-I MEAN BELLS!"

In response, he vanished in another poof, being replaced by a log.

"Well thats great, he's gone!"

"Don't be an idiot Meg!" Peter barked at her, "Obviously, he transformed into a log! Well, we'll see how he can take it when we do THIS!"

Ripping out a chunk of wood, the fat man shoved it in his mouth and began chewing on it!

"What are you doing!?" She screamed.

With his voice muffled, "What do ya think I'm doing!?_ Grab a piece of him and bite into it!!"_

"Ok!" Chris agreed grabbing another chunk and stuff his face into it, Meg who looked uncertain stared at this.

"……………….."

**"I SAID NOW!!!!"** Peter roared, throwing the rest of the log at her.

"Are they eating the log!?" Shikamaru asked from his, and the other's hiding spot.

"It would seem so." Shino replied.

"……..Why?"

"That isn't actually Kakashi sensei, is it?" Brian asked Shizune.

"No, a simple jutsu to make a getaway. But I don't see why they are eating it, think of the bugs!"

* * *

_"Ok." The head of a table inside of a wooden room, surrounded by ants said. "So it's all decided who will bring what for the next meeting."_

_"I get the animal crackers!" One ant squealed._

_"MR. HENRY!!" A voice from an intercom cried._

_"Yes, what is it Shannon?"_

_"The fortress is being attacked- *static static!*"_

_"Dear Great Tree! Everyone get out the weap-" He was cut off as his side of the room was torn down by a large pair of teeth, causing everyone else to scurry about screaming._

* * *

"I have to congratulate on the teamwork their at least pulling while doing this…" Kakashi said to himself as he watched from a bush the disoriented family, " But do they know any jutsu's, or per say, smarter ideas at getting at me? Wait, that sounded wrong…."

* * *

"Alright kids, after burning the remains of the wood, It seems that it wasn't him at all."

"WELL, DUH IT WASN'T HIM!" Meg shouted, "We spent two hours tearing it down for nothing!_ And sunset is already coming!"_

"SHUT UP, MEG. As to what I was saying, does anyone have any better ideas to finding him?"

"Well, that pink-haired girl said we needed the intent to kill him." Chris said, "Maybe we should make some weapons?"

"Oh yeah, that's actually a good idea! I've got a beer can opener in my back pocket."

"And I have my sketchbook and sharpie!" Chris said taking them out from no where in particular.

"Paper-cuts and ink-poisoning, I like it! What about you, Meg?"

"Hey Dad, maybe we can use her head as a hammer!" Chris laughed.

"Or at least stab that ninja with her pointy boobs!" He laughed along with him.

_"Or strangle him with her armpit hair!"_

_"Or a pair of her socks will do!"_

"Hey!" Meg yelled, taking out a knife which quieted them, "For your information, I have this!"

"…..uh, why do you carry around a knife?" Chris asked.

"…Oh…um, no reason."

"Any reason why your daughter has that?" Asuma asked Lois from behind the trees.

"Well, I knew she was depressed but I didn't think it was this serious! I always wondered why she had those scars on her wrists when she came home from school…"

* * *

"At least they actually have something to defend themselves with." Kakashi thought as he sat on the ground, watching them leave the stream to look for him, "However, they'll need something more useful if they make it on teams. Lets see how they can handle a few genjutsus..."

* * *

"Lets see…" Pete said, gazing at his watch, "We've spent three hours looking at him, makes a total of five hours."

"And it's already dark, I'm freaked out!" Meg whimpered, staying close. Chris who was in the back stopped behind, noticing something peaking out. He walked towards it as the others got further away, and gasped at who came right.

"Megan Fox?"

"That's right, Chris." She said seductively, "Here to handle all you'r horny teenage urges you boys have."

"HOORAH!"

"You just have to enter through here," She spoke icily, showing him a path beyond the bush that led off a cliff.

"That seems dangerous…" He said uncertainly, "Won't I get hurt?"

"Of course not, Chris. You'll land on a trampoline-bed, surrounded by lemon-scented candles."

"YAY!" He cheered, preparing to dive off when Peter and Meg came into the scene.

"Chris! What are you doing!? Get away from there!" His sister cried.

"But Megan Fox said she'll do it with me if I jump off!"

"That's not true, Chris!" Peter cried, "We all know that Megan Fox doesn't wear pants or clothes that cover her up!"

Chris looked back at the impostor, who wore a decent size of jeans, heels, and a turtle neck. The Megan Fox blinked.

_**"………CURSE YOU DSRHKLGRUHLTHJSRO;XLKFGKNLJ;XKUHXJKFIY!!!!!" **_Fades into background.

"…..What just happened?" Chris asked. A flash came from a tree branch above, where Kakashi appeared kneeling down.

"That was an illusion I used. By making these illusions like other ninjas such as myself, it can be easier to find your weak spot and-" He jumped out of the way as a screaming Meg came flying at the tree, before rolling down.

"AW, Meg! _You missed him!"_ Peter cried.

"I assume you weren't listening to a word I said?"

_**"I GOT HIM, DAD!" **_Chris cried as he threw several coloring pencils from his back pocket at him. Of course, Kakashi dodged again and landed on the ground, running away.

**"MEG, CATCH HIM!" **Peter yelled panicked as he grabbed his daughter by the foot, and tossed the screaming teen at him like a bullet. A crashing came as she plunged into him, both rolling over onto the ground and into a rock.

"Got em!"

_Poof!_

"Aw man, it's another log!" Chris said as he and Peter came up to it.

"Well kids, you know what to do." Peter sighed as he tore off half of the wood, "Lets start eating…"

**"ARE YOU INSANE!?** Haven't we learned from last time that he didn't turn into any log!?" Meg screamed, clutching her head.

"Cannibalism may be bad, but we get dinner anyway." Chris shrugged as he took his own piece.

* * *

"I can't stand watching them go like this…" Lois groaned as she watched the others of her family eat log.

"Yeah, what are _we_ gonna eat for dinner!?" Chouji complained, "I most certainly don't want to eat log!"

"Hey guys," Walking towards them came Teuchi dragging along a cart with a delicious smell coming from it. "Iruka stopped by and said you were all observing the new rookies in training, so I decided I'd bring along dinner for you."

"ALRIGHT!" Naruto cheered.

"What about the rookies? Do they want some?"

"They should be fine, they have log." Ino said.

* * *

"Ok…" Peter sighed, exhausted. "Another of two hours trying to scarf down that log, one hour trying to fix Meg's broken bones, and around two hours of watching Die Hard on my ipod. That totals up to us having been out here for ten hours. I so pawn at math!"

"Why again were we watching Die Hard?" Meg asked, annoyed.

_"Because Bruce Willis is a great influence on you all, that's why!"_

"I'm cold, Dad…" Chris said. "And it's nearly midnight!"

"Don't worry son." Peter said, "Sure, I may not technically be an actual shinobi yet, but I believe the way of a ninja is cooperation, power, and the belief in yourself!"

Naruto, who was slurping his leftover ramen from the hiding spot smiled. _That's the spirit, Peter…._

_Well, he actually knows what's right from wrong, I'm impressed._ Kakashi thunk as he crouched low in his bush nearby, taking a pause from reading his book of Make-Out-Paradise.

"And booze." He suddenly added,_ "Lets not forget the booze."_

"I gotta go quickly to the bathroom!" Chris announced as he jogged towards Kakashi's bush, unzipped his pants-"

**"OH GAWD, GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!!" **He screamed jumping up.

"There he is!" Meg cried.

"Hey, he dropped one of his bells!" Peter noticed as he took charge and ran to where one of them lay a few feet away.

"Oh no, not this trick!" Naruto gasped, _**"PETER, NOOOOO!!!"**_

Before he was a foot away, The dominant Griffin was swooped up by his foot and dangling stupidly upside down.

"Hey, HEY! What just happened!?"

"You unable to observe your surroundings, thats what!" Kakashi said proudly scooping up the bells.

"Take this!" Meg said taking out her knife and throwing it at the ninja, who held up his kana deflecting it at her wrist.

"AH! Not me this time, you idiot!"

Kakashi, about to take his leave, looked hear a 'whoosh' from above and looked up. To much shock, the rope had snapped at Peter's weight, and he was falling down right at him!

_**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"**_

* * *

_"My bones….I feel….so broken…."_

_"Kakashi-sensei!" _

_"N….aruto…?"_

He opened his eyes to see he was lying on his back with his head rested on a stone, a wet towel on his forehead. Everyone was staring down at him all around, except for a certain trio of rookie. Day light was shining around them.

"What happened..? What time is it? Where are those trainees??"

"Griffin-sempai fell and crushed most of your bones." Shizune said awkwardly.

"It's taken hours for everyone to get you fixed and up." Sasuke said timidly, "It's already past noon, the deadline ended."

"And we're right here!" Sitting up, he turned around in disbelief. Peter stood their dangling one of the bells from his hand, Chris and Meg next to him holding onto the same bell.

"Oh…." He groaned. "I don't believe it…."

_"BELIEVE IT!"_

_"SHUDDUP, NARUTO!!" _Sakura slammed her fist down at him, causing the boy to fall over.

"Hey, don't treat him like that!"

"Mr. Griffin, with all due respect you should stay out of this." She hissed at him dangerously.

"I don't think so, smart ass." He said crossing his arms.

"What!?" She growled.

"See, Sakura, there are several reasons as to why you go around beating up your team-mate all day for no reason-"

"-Quiet!"

"All he's ever done is treat you with respect, he hasn't even said anything bad towards you 'cause he cares for you! But you look at uh, Sas-_gay-"_

The Uchiha twitched.

"And think 'oh, he's always annoyed with Naruto and disapproves of him! Maybe I should do the same thing so I can get a boyfriend-"

"I said be quiet!" She blushed.

"-And you even nag Naruto about how stupid, or inferior, or non-worthy he is and that he's bring everyone down when it's really you-who isn't as strong as him or anyone else at all."

"Shush!!!"

"Well let me tell you something. Disrespecting one isn't going to get a guy's attention, he doesn't even acknowledge you at all. Heck, he treats you like crap but your so clingy and dumb to even realize you have no chance! So quit treating Naruto like he's nuthin', 'cause he has a chance at becoming Hokage and all you'll be is a horse with broken legs if you don't get better yourself."

"SHUT UP RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!"

"Whore."

"………." She took out a kunai.

"……….Uh-oh."

**"RAHHHHH!"** Peter ran off immediately screaming for help as he was chased down. Everyone else were all staring in awe, Ino snickering.

"Finally someone understands…" Sasuke mumbled under his breath.

"Wow…" Naruto said tearfully, "E-Even he b-believes I can become H-Hokage….!"

"That's my husband for you." Lois said, looking proud.

"What a husband he is." Tsunade sighed. "Which has made me realized how him and your kids have done a splendid job at learning the skills of survival, which is why we believe they're ready for the next step to be put on teams."

"I agree."

"Meg is to go to Team 10 of Choji Akimichi, Shikamaru Nara, and Ino Yamanaka under the guidance of Asuma Sarotobi."

"I'll let you try a cigarette or two since your near age." Asuma smirked at Meg, who looked disturbed at the thought.

"Chris will be joining Team 8 of Kiba Inusuka, Shino Aburame, and Hinata Hyuga under the guidance of Kurenai Yuhi."

"Oh.." Hinata choked, before fainting yet again that day.

"As for Peter, he will be joining Team 7-"

"W-W-W-W-W-W-HAT!!?" Kakashi croaked.

"Of Naruto Uzumaki-"

_"YEAH!"_

"-Sasuke Uchiha-"

"Hn!?"

"and Sakura Haruno under the guidance of Kakashi Hatake."

_**"WHAT!!!!!!??????" **_Half-screamed Sakura who was being held upside down her foot by Peter.

**"BOOYAH!"** He cheered, accidentally tossing her aside. **"TEEN TITAN REFERENCE!!!!"**

* * *

_Wow. REALLY long chappie!_

_That whole Chris dressing as James? Yeah, uh, I saw New moon today so..._

_Don't eat logs, and remember to provide whatever ya got on ideas for cutaways! I can also guarantee you will see MUCH more of FG characters soon…: 3_


	13. The Yellow Chicken

_I would like thank Essteka and Kakuzu Hyuyga for gag ideas! Like I said earlier, there will be a naruto styled chicken fight! as for the idea w/ cleveland, this was sorta gonna take place before he moved away but i can still put in some gag that had to do w/ the show so thank you! Kakuzu Hyuuga, i have NO idea what knight riders is XD but i'll look it up and watch a few episodes for a gag anyway. I may put an FCC scene in this story, since they're the reason most anime american dubs SUCK!_

_Its been a while since i've seen part 1 of naruto, but since this is before sasuke leaves and after tsunade becomes hokage i'm pretty sure his hands r still messed up,_

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 13**

_**The Yellow Chicken**_

It was late in the evening as Orochimaru sat at his desk in his study. With his hands hanging limp by his sides, he was forced to wrap his tongue around a pen to write out in his papers. Stewie came striding around the corner with a folder under his arms. He stared at the back of the snake's chair for a moment.

"OI! Orochimaru! Orochimaru! Orochimaru! Orochimaru! _Orochimaru!_ Orochimaru! Orochimaru! Oro! Oro! Oro! Oro! Oro! _Oro! Oro! _Or! Or! Or! Or! Or! Or! Sama! Sama! Sama! _Sama! Sama! Sa-"_

He turned right around._**"WHAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!?????!!??!?!?" **_

"…Hi."

**"ARGHHH!!" **He roared, slamming his head into the desk, "What-could-you-possibly-want-_now!?"_

"Lord Orochimaru!" Entering second came Kabuto, "I apologize…I was trying to stop him from disturbing you."

"Pfft! Only thing you were doing was forcing me against my will to watch those damned shows on Noggin!" The baby responded, "NOW **SHUSH!"**

"What is it you want now?" The Sannin groaned, rubbing his head with an arm.

"Well, _you're_ the one who asked me to give you the plans for what to do next." Stewie said as he held out the folder for Oro to grasp. He glared at the one year old with a look of reminder that he couldn't grasp the actual folder.

"…Oh yeah, just uh…" He opened it up jumped on his lap to place it on the desk and spread out the papers, _"Just look right there…"_

"Hmm..." He hummed rather fascinated pages were looked over, and Stewie jumped down.

"Well, what do you think? Pretty cool, right? I like the part where the people die." :D

"Pretty stupid to me…" Kabuto grumbled, arms crossed.

"Hey, nerd." Stewie shot back, "Here's a lesson. Next time you make me look bad in front of such a cool plan…_**I WILL KILL YOU…!"**_

"Don't mind Kabuto…"Orochimaru said as he looked on again and then smiled, "I like it!"

"You do?"

"Why, of course! With something such as this, we can be the _grand…__**SUPREME RULERS!!! **_**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!"**

_**"!!!!"**_

Kabuto opened his mouth, but Oro cut him off. "No. Don't you ever laugh like that again."

"Yes, m' Lord…."

"Now, before we put this thing into action I need to make contact with a friend to…." Cue in dramatic evil shadows, _**"PaY a ViSiT tO yOu'r DeAr FaThEr…"**_

**DUN DUN DUNNNN**

"Awww, are you kidding me?" The baby whined.

**WAH, WAH, WAHHHHHH**

"I don't care what happens to the fat man! I just want that insufferable-"

"In time, Stewart. In time. But first, we need to test how he can handle his old "pal".

**DUN DUN DUNNNNN**

"While I make arrangements, I leave Stewie with you."

"M..Me!?" Kabuto sputtered, "Orochimaru-sama, you _can't _be serious!"

"I'm as serious as a fat kid with chocolate, now leave me be to contemplate these thoughts!" Turning away from the two he took his leave. Kabuto scowled down at Stew, who had another one of his beaming smiles.

"Hey, while he's doing that you wanna play some Yahtzee?"

_"….No." _He said flatly.

"Aw come on, I packed it up on my way here." He whined dragging it out from his bag.

"I don't have the time to play a board game with a _little_ child." He growled sharply as the game was set up.

"Don't worry, it's really easy!" He exclaimed holding up a pair of die and a cup, "We roll the dice and at the same time we both have to yell Yahtzee really loud, and flap our wrists too, like this." He waved his tiny hands up and down. The babysitter stared at him for a moment.

"….And _you'll _do it too?"

"Of course, that's how the game's played."

"Alright then." He sat down as Stewie began shaking the cup with the die inside, making a light rattling sound, "And you _will_ do it with me?"

"Yeah, ready?"

"Ready!"

He stopped the shaking, causing the die to tumble onto the floor. The baby sat still as Kabuto went into motion squealing,

**"YAAAAAAHTZEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

"Gay."

_**"YOU SUCK!!!"**_

* * *

"Tsunade-sama, we've got an urgent S.O.S!" Shizune came running into the office where the old Lady was drinking a glass of sake.

"AH! S-Shizune!" He gasped, quickly hiding the glass, "Just uh..doing stuff like a responsible village leader would!"

"Please, take a look at this." The lady said as she passed a scroll on to Tsunade, who used the release seal then opened it.

"What does it say?" Shizune asked worriedly.

"Let me see…"

**To WhOeVeR lEaF nIn ThAt FiNdS tHiS, wE nEeD aSsIsTaNcE!**

**oUr PeOplE hAvE bEeN sEnT tO tHe EaSt GrOuNdS sUrRoUnDiNg KoNoHaGaKuRe In A sCoUtInG mIsSiOn, BuT wE fEaR rOgUe HaVe bEen SeNt To HuNt ThEm. BaCkUp Is NeCeSsArY.**

**yOuR nEIgHbOrInG vIlLaGe,**

**SuNaGaKuRe.**

**P.S. WhY nOt SeNd A tEaM wItH a ReCcEnT aDdItiOn? SaY, soMe 40-SoMeThIng YeAr OlD fAt MaN wItH gLaSsEs WhO gEtS dRuNk AlL tHe TiMe? ThAt'd Be CoOl.**

"Since when does Suna even write like that? Well Shizune, it's as the letter asks and what I think is a splendid idea. Let's send our Team 7!"

* * *

With a yawn Lois came downstairs to cook breakfast in their small kitchen, to see Peter was already in there playing away on his Nintendo DS. He proudly had on his headband.

"Morning, Peter."

"Morning Lois…Aw man, I lost again!" Frustrated, he threw down the handheld, "Lois, when are we gonna get something cooler!? Look that new Nintendo DSi!"

"Peter, what's so different about the DSi compared to your DS?" She asked as she pulled several foods out the fridge to make into pancakes.

"Um, HELLO? It…takes…pictures…! _PICTURES,_ LOIS!"

"One Peter, you have a camera. Two, you can't even play any of your own gameboy games on this thing!"

"….Including Superstar Saga?"

"Including Super Star Saga. If you ask me, it was a waste of money for Nintendo to make the DSi."

A **CRASH** was heard as a brick flew through the window, nearly hitting Lois.

"What the!?" She looked outside to see an asian sitting on his bike wearing a shirt that said _"Shigeru Miyamoto."_ He glared at the wife, before he rode away.

"That was strange…"

The door opened, and running in came their whiskered friend. "Hey, what happened to your window?"

"I-I'm not sure." Lois gasped as she peeked out again, "I though I just saw…never mind."

"Hey Naruto, How'd you find out where we lived?" Peter asked.

"Granny Tsunade gave me the address. Our team already accepted it, but we've been given a C-ranked mission!"

"My _first_ mission!?" He gasped as he shot up.

"You're _first_ mission!"

**"ZOH-MY-GOD!!** I AM SO FLIPPING EXCITED, LEMME GET MY WEAPONS!" He ran up stairs, and Lois made conversation with the boy.

"This isn't anything serious, is it?"

"Nah, some shinobi from the Sand Village are just doing stuff near our place, and we just gotta back them up in case of any attacks."

"Attacks!?"

"I'M READY!!"

Peter returned with a sack his size, a label 'Acme' across it.

"Where'd you get all those?" Lois asked.

* * *

_The wild Coyote sat on a rock in the middle of the desert looking through blue-prints, "Alright, if I tie that to the cactus and put it on the road, he should run right into it and get slung offa the cliff. Alright, good to go."_

_He rolled up the sheet and strolled around the rock, "….What the…__**AW, SON OF A-!"**_

_"Meep-meep!"_

_Roadrunner came zooming out of nowhere and over the coyote, flattening him like a pancake._

* * *

"Uh, I doubt all that is necessary." Naruto said.

"Oh, alright then…" He was slightly disappointed as he dropped the sack and Lois handed him a black back-pack for hiking.

"Peter, I packed all the tools you need and some snacks."

"Did you get the fudge-nutri-gran bars?"

"Yes, Peter."

"All-rigghhhht."

"Come, let's go!" Naruto exclaimed as he ran out, Peter following him. Chris came down in his pajamas noticing the mess in the kitchen.

"Be careful!" Lois waved through the destroyed window.

"Mom, were we attacked?"

"No, Chris, it was just an…incident…"

"Oh. Where's Dad?"

"His first mission."

"Awww….when will our team go on a mission??"

"Well, the Hokage has to assign you to whatever mission is given, Chris." She explained. "Why don't you tell you and your sister to get out of your jammies and meet with the members of your team? You know, bond with them and get to know them."

"Alright." He said as he headed back upstairs.

"You could invite over that boy and his dog who strangely resembles Brian!"

* * *

"Hey guys!" Naruto waved to Sakura and Sasuke, who happened to be waiting near the village gates rather impatiently.

"Oh joy, look who you brought." Sakura muttered as she noticed Peter.

"Don't get into any more fights, _either _of you." Sasuke said crossly to the both.

"O-Ofcourse, S-Sasuke-kun!" Sakura immediately agreed.

"Why does your hair look like the butt of a duck?" Peter asked stupidly.

"SHUT UP, PETER!!" The kunoichi snapped at him.

"So, uh, Kakashi didn't come yet?" Naruto asked timidly.

"You know how it is Naruto." Sasuke replied, "He's two hours late."

"Two hours!?" Peter nearly yelled, "What the heck could one guy be doing this early in the morning!?

* * *

_"Well, better head on out to meet the rest." Kakashi was just about to walk out when a voice could be heard._

_**"R…e…a...d…."**_

_"Hm?" He looked around, then saw his unfinished book on the table opened. _

_"I can finish it later, the others are gonna be mad if I don't-"_

_**"…R…e…ad…m...e…"**_

_"…?" He stared at it, eyes wide. "….Did you….?"_

_**"..R..EAD…..ME…..N..OW…!!"**_

_"Yes, master!!" He gasped as he grabbed it and thrust the novella in his face._

* * *

"Make that three…" Naruto sighed, lying on his back. A poof came from next to him where Kakashi leaned, reading his book.

"Yo."

**"YOU'RE LATE AGAIN!" **Naru and Saku screamed, Sasuke staying quiet and Peter scratching his butt.

"Sorry, had some chores to do."

"You're a grown man in his own place, what chores could YOU have!?" Naruto yelled.

"Even those at an old age must take responsibility for the choices they were forced to make long ago, Naruto." He recited.

"Yeah, like how Lois lectures me to count how many beers I have before I bother to drive home." Peter said. "I always forget anyway, and it ends up with me crashing into the living room. But I've always made it back in time for George Lopez."

"……Why is he with us again?" Sakura moaned as the Team began to head on out.

"You know fully well why, Sakura." Kakashi said seriously.

"Come, this is gonna be fun!" Naruto exclaimed as he ran off with glee, the others following in pursuit. Time had gone by as the continued to travel to the area marked on the map where the ninjas from Suna should be. As they went in further, everything seemed to be getting foggier, up to the point where everything was dense.

"Odd…" Their sensei spoke, almost quietly. "This is where they should be, but I can't see anyone, and I most certainly don't hear anyone."

"They could just be really quiet, you know?" Naruto shrugged, arms behind his head.

"Yeah…Alright then." He faced the rest of their squad. "We are to surround them at different points across the are that've been marked. I'll go North of them, Sasuke is to go west near the village's border, Sakura will go East and Naruto, I'm trusting both you and Peter to guard south of them, right here. If there is ANY sign of danger, be on your guard."

With nods of agreement, they'll ran off to their positions, leaving Naruto and Peter, who sat down.

"Well, I knew this was gonna be pretty boring, so just in case, I brought a wash board!" Peter announced as he took one out.

"Oh cool, lets do some math problems!" Naruto cheered.

"Ok." He wrote something on with the washable marker, then showed it to Naruto; 1+1.

"Ha, that's easy! Two, of course."

"Nope."

"Wahh!?"

"It's window."

"….Peter, are you mentally insane?"

"Here, lemme show you, it's a cool trick I learned." Peter replied as he went back to scribbling. "Ok so you write down 1+1 reeeeal close together."

"Uh-huh…"

"Then here's what you do when you write the equal sign. The top line will go above the sum…" He gave a mark, "And the other line will go below. Therefore, this proves…."

He handed the board to the 12 year old, and he looked at it.

There was 1+1, but with one line above and below.

"….I don't get it…"

"It'll kick in after a while."

A swipe could be heard as Naruto caught something zoom right past Peter's cheek. The new genuine blinked, realizing there was a new cut there, blood oozing from it.

"What the…?" He jumped up for whatever had attacked.

"Peter! You Ok!?" Naruto gasped as he did the same thing taking out a kana.

"I'm fine, but what the hell did that!?"

"I dunno, but I think those rogue ninja are here."

A shadow flew past them, and further into the fog. "Come on, we gotta help those squads!"

The two ran as fast as they could to where the attacker had gone, closer and closer to where the Sand Shinobi would be in an uproar. And yet, as they got further they heard no scream or weapon clashing whatsoever. When they finally made it in the heart of the fog, it was where the area was the most clear. Like a large circle surrounded by clouds.

"Where is everybody? They should be here." Naruto said worriedly as he took a look around, "And how is there no fog here? U-Unless…."

"Unless what?" Peter asked.

"This is some sort of genjutsu."

"Huh. Hey Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"…I don't think Suna's been here at all."

"…Neither do I, Peter. Neither do I."

It was indeed a trap.

"PETER, DUCK!!" A rather large shrunken came flying at them, the two managing to jump sideways. It landed in the dirt with a loud thunk! A large shadow could be seen coming closer as it reached down to grab it's weapon. Peter's eyes widened. He gasped.

"Peter, what is it!? Who is he!?" Naruto panicked. The eldest Griffin only had two words to say.

_**"Oh…CRAP…."**_

The rogue looked up at them menacingly, more at his old nemesis Peter. Red feather at the top covering most of his headband, a music note seen on the metal plate. He led in his feathery hands several weapons used in the ninja art.

Some even sticking out of his orange beak.

And some attached to the black sash around his yellow feathery body.

The body of a Chicken.

"YOU!!"

"His headband…!" Naruto growled angrily as he began to advance forward, "This guy's working for Orochimaru…!"

_"What!?"_

Ignoring the blonde, the chicken flew past him, and at Peter, socking him in the face!

And so the battle began.

Peter attempted to throw his own punch, but his arm was grab and twisted behind his back, where he kicked the Chicken in the stomach. He then spun to be pecked repeatedly in the stomach! The pecking continued until he was thrown into the air, then kicked through the fog!

"PETER!!" He heard Naruto scream, as he got up from the tree he crashed into. Appearing in front came the chicken, preparing for another attack. WIth all the strength he could muster, he grabbed the roots of the tree that had been teared apart from his crash, and wrapped them around the fist that was about to land on his face. Keeping it in a grip he had the chance to repeatedly kick the Chicken in his stomach. Fifth time his fist was grabbed by the beak, and Peter bonked his head at his. Both fell back, the roots on the Chicken causing the tree to sway forward.

It was coming down at them!

Peter jumped, his foe trying to do the same thing, but was crushed by the tree.

Pete stood up panting as smoke cleared. Everything was silent…before the tree came flying at him!!

"AHH!" He cried as he ran downhill as fast as he could, the thing had crashed to the ground but was now rolling after him! Before it'd get him, he jumped and was on it, running backwards making it go faster.

He heard a whoosh, and looked up to see the Chicken flying down with his giant shuriken out! He sidestepped, forcing Chicken to slice the tree in half when they were about to come into two separate paths, separated by rocks. Chicken jumped to one side, Peter stayed on his as they went into their paths.

The Chicken took out from his sash a scroll, and performed a hand sign in his other hand. The scroll unwrapped itself, flowing in the wind as dozens of sharp weapons came flying out in a frenzy at Peter!

"Nyahh!" He cried as he ducked down from the attack, waving his arms as he uneasily balanced on the rolling log. With one of his hands, he easily grabbed a katana by the handle, and leaped in a summersault through the air, and onto the Chicken's log! He used his blade to deflect the remaining weapons back at him, a couple landing in his arm.

**"KAWW!"** He screamed in anger as he took them out, using one of them to stab Peter's hand. The man winced, but started swash-buckling sword fight with his opponent. As it continued, their log sent them flying off a cliff, where they continued on clashing at each other while falling. Halfway down they realized their situation, and the Chicken did a hand-sign to appear elsewhere and avoid it, not counting on Peter tackling him in midair.

Instead they both spun down towards the ground, crashing onto the side of the cliff. They had a major fistfight as they tumbled down, before the Chicken grabbed and threw him away.

_**"AGHHH!!" **_Peter screamed as he flew to the opposite wall, about to crash into it when...

He first landed on his feet. And he was running straight down on the side, like the Chicken!

'How am I doing this!?' He thought in disbelief as they continued racing down to where they reached a river. They hit the water with their feet, and to Peter's amazement they were running on the river!

Peter still had his katana out, and to his horror, the Chicken took out a large sword, similar to Cloud's Buster Sword from Final Fantasy VII. Difference was that the blade was a dark blue, a red and green lightning bolts dancing across it's left dull side. The handle was jet black, and on the right dull side a violet arrowhead was sticking out, a long chain coming from it.

The Chicken wrapped the end of the chain around one wrist, then thrust it forward at Peter, who ducked, and grabbed the chain.

Wrong mistake, because in his good hand he did a hand sign that made the sword and it's handle shoot out lightning! Still holding onto the handle Peter danced around still running. In his dodging, one of the bolts happened to hit the water, affecting those underneath and standing.

**BOOOMMMM!**

_**"GAHHHH!!!" **_The two screamed as they were flung off in a fiery electrical explosion, smoke and scorch marks all over them. They clung to each other, and realizing this made everything stop.

"……."

"…….."

"…..Uh, no homo?" Peter said awkwardly.

Then continued again.

_**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"**_

They both crashed into the ground and were rolling away punching each other, then toppled off of what was another cliff, hanging right above the Leaf Village.

* * *

"And…we ran back here…as soon as we could…" Sasuke panted, the rest of his team exhausted as he was in Tsunade's office.

"WHAT!?" She roared.

"We were all fooled into thinking that the scroll was from Suna," Kakashi spoke, "We had no scent whatsoever to track him."

"Except this." Naruto suddenly took out the whiteboard, Peter's equation still on it. The others stared.

"YOU DUNDERHEAD!!" Sakura yelled. "Do you realize that this guy could be dead by now!? Do you realize-!?"

Two fighters in battle came crashing through the window behind Tsunade, flying over her head the Team 7's as they landed in the hallways.

"IT'S THEM!!" Naruto cried as he and the others ran out of the office. The two were up again and immediately charged away in their race-like fight. The Chicken holding up his smoking sword, and Peter with his dented up katana. They continued swinging swords at each, accidentally slicing at the passing shinobi in the hallways who collapsed in pain.

"STOP KILLING MY MEN!!" Tsunade boomed as they got farther away and down the spiral staircase. Peter threw his nearly destroyed sword at the Chicken, who dodged, but didn't see the fat man flying at him! They both crashed outside and onto the roof of a random apartment. Once they had landed, Peter took the opportunity to take out a kunaiand whisk it at the bird, who grabbed it, and held down Peter's other hand with his foot. With an evil grin, the Chicken took out a an AK-47!!

"HEY, this is a ninja battle!" Naruto complained from the building next door.

Peter swung his knee at the gun pointing at him, causing it to land on the side of the roof. With the Chicken in awe, Peter tripped him, grabbed him by his orange leg and swung him off the roof!

The fat man, covered in scars and bruises, slowly came towards the side to look down…

_**"FLAMING-DEMON NO-JUTSU!! BA-KAWW!" **_

The chicken appeared!! AGAIN!! Floating in midair, flames surrounding him, some burning away his feathers!! The ninja in training turned running as fast as he could as the demon chased after him, spitting out several fireballs from his beak! While running Peter grabbed the AK-47 and shot it back in different directions, some of the bullets falling down on the poor passing villagers! Peter went on to jumping buildings, still shooting back.

In one particular large leap, everything was in slow-motion, and Peter was spinning around crazily firing the gun at the flaming demon coming after him! All missed, and Peter ended up missing the ledge, bouncing off of the walls and running down the road.

In the chase he felt himself nearly slip on something and he noticed. Apparently, a carriage nearby was fallen over, several familiar bullet-holes in it, and the tanks of oil that had fallen out, smearing all over the ground. The oil was coming on his pants, and the Chicken spat out another fire ball.

Lighting up the pool and making the flames chase after him!! All the buildings behind were lighting up on fire at this too! He owl-skated away as fast as he could. Bad part was that even when he got away from the oily mess, the tracks his feet were leaving also lit up on fire, still coming after him!

Pete ended up turning a corner in his getaway, the flaming Chicken still on his tail.

"PETER!!"

He looked up to see Naruto had just appeared nearby, holding a strange looking scroll.

Peter may not have know this, but the young ninja most certainly did.

It was the Forbidden Scroll he had used to obtain the Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu.

"PETER!! Take this!!" The scroll was tossed in the air, soaring to where the victim's outstretched hand was and missing several fireballs coming from the angry chicken. He caught it, but fell forward! The oil making him slide down into an alley! He quickly positioned his feet to land on the wall. Yet again, he was running up it, the flames still chasing after him!

In his run, he opened up the scroll, looking through as much as possible….

"BA-KAWWW!!!!" A hand wove out from behind his neck, grabbed it, and spun him around then down at the roof he was about to land on.

"NOOOO!" Naruto cried as he jumped onto the roof to where the Chicken had gone.

He stood there, holding up and unconscious Peter by his shirt, which was starting to burn a hole in it. In his other hand, he had the AK-47 in the man's mouth. The gun was fired.

...

...

…

.....

**POOF!!**

He vanished!

"H-Huh!?" The Chicken's eyes were wide. He was gone but how!? How did he..?

_Poke. Poke._

The Chicken turned around in disbelief.

One Peter stared at him face to face. Another Peter grabbed Naruto from behind and took him away. Then the third Peter, was was standing on the first one's head, placed an oily foot on the Chicken's face…

**BOOOOOMMM!!**

Flames exploded! The building burned down to an immediate fiery crisp! Kneeling several feet away were the duo who had gotten away.

_"Huff huff_…you…okay…?"

_"Huff_…yeah…" Naruto sighed, "That…was so…amazing…I can't even believed…I saw all that happen…."

"Y-Yeah…_huff_…me neither…"

Both stood up, staring at the remains of what was left…

A feathery hand came out of the flames with the AK-47, and fired.

"GAH!!" Peter cried as he clutched his ribs, before slapped across with the gun. The Chicken, bloodied up with nearly all his feathers gone, came flying at him!! He grabbed the fat man's neck and began violently, repeatedly, slamming his head at the brick wall and choking him..!

**BAM!!**

Peter looked up weakly to see the Chicken let go, and that he was looking down at his own, barely feathery chest. His body then fell forward on him, where the man could see a bloody hole on his back.

_"…..No homo." _He repeated, pushing off the body and looking up at it's shooter who had dropped the gun.

It was Naruto, now on his knees and sobbing.

_"I….I-I can't b-believe I d-did that.." _He choked on tears, fury coming on his face, "_I-I've never k-killed someone b-before…maybe gave a s-serious good beating…b-b-but not k-kill….I didn't even think I w-would do it with s-something so urn-ninja, and disgraceful…like a g-gun."_

A hand was placed on his shoulder, and he looked up teary-eyed at Peter.

"We all have to make choices."

Naruto stared, then smiled.

"I-I'm just glad you're ok…"

"Lets go." He said, Naruto putting his arm around him as he helped carry Peter away. The fat man noticed how Naruto had strapped to his back the scroll from before.

"Hey Naruto, how'd you get that thing?"

"The Forbidden Scroll? Snuck it out, like the first time. That's how I learned the shadow-clone jutsu. Just don't tell anyone since it's sorta against rules."

"And I won't tell anybody 'bout the gun, kay?"

"Alright!" He smiled.

They continued away, leaving the big body of the Chicken down on the ground, more blood coming from it's body. Everything was quiet, beside the sounds of fire.

And then...

...

He raised his head slightly.

**DUUNNN DUUUNNN DUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN**

"Hey Peter?" Naruto suddenly began laughing.

"Yeah?"

"I get it! 1+1 equals window! 'Cuz it looks like a window when put together! HAha!!"

* * *

_I did it….I've done the chicken fight…! MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Maybe another will come, who knows? He always comes back..._

_I didn't plan out how the fight would go, did it as i typed along. It was so serious, so furious, so violent!! Especially at Naruto's breakdown in the end, something I don't think you'll see in FG OR NARUTO (him with a gun) Tell me what you thought about it! i might do a drawing of this and put it on DA._


	14. In Recent Attacks

_Sorry for another long update. Midterms, snowstorms, Christmas and New Years. They're might be some more inappropriateness in this chappie since it'll mainly focus on the FG characters. YAYY, MORE QUAGMIRE!!! Giggity XD_

_---_

**Chapter 14**

_**In Recent Attacks**_

It had only been a week since the Griffins had up and vanished from Quahog. Nobody had seemed to realize this yet, despite the Griffins having been known to cause quite a lot of trouble (Especially Peter). Quagmire, Cleveland, Mort, Adam West, not even Old Man Herbert, always looking forward to Chris's newspaper deliveries.

Indeed, nobody seemed to notice the situation yet.

For the first to know would be the cop who had driven Peter out of Qhahog.

"Morning, Bonnie." Joe greeted cheerfully as he rolled into the kitchen in his police uniform.

"Morning, Joe." His wife said cheerfully as she poured a cup of coffee, "You're leaving this early for work?"

"Yeah, not sure if he'll even remember, but Peter's got a trial today for his recent robbery."

"Oh dear…but Peter doesn't do anything like that that often."

"Oh, he does Bonnie. _He does."_

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed this Joe…" She spoke, handing him a cup, "But I've tried to call Lois all week for some girl-to-girl chat, but she hasn't picked up. In fact, I haven't heard any of the kids playing or anything."

"Well, they couldn't have left." He chuckled, "Lois wouldn't let him leave knowing he had a trial coming up."

"Well…what if he didn't tell her?"

"….Oh _crap." _

Leaving his coffee on a table, he rolled outside as fast as he could and up to the door of next-door, slamming his bat at it.

"PETER! Peter, open the door! Lois! Meg! Chris!…Brian? _Stewie?"_

No answer came whatsoever. He even strolled around the house for a way inside. A ladder was conveniently placed by Chris's window, but alas, his legs would not move.

"Dammit! Huh? What's this?"

He took a glance at the handwriting on the side of the ladder.

_**Return to Herbert**_

_"Oh heyyyy!" _A high-pitched voice came as coming up was the old Mr. Herbert in his bathrobe. "Thanks for finding my ladder which happened to uh, be here!"

"Er, no problem, Herb." Joe said handing ladder to the man, "Hey, by any chance you haven't seen any of the Griffins home this week, have you?"

"Actually, no I haven't." He replied, "I haven't come by to watch that boy change-Er, I mean he hasn't come by for delivery."

"OOH! What about watching people change!?" Jumping out of a tree came Quagmire, looking rather giddy as usual.

"Quagmire, what were you doing up there?" Joe questioned suspiciously.

"Lookin to see if Lois was changing(gig)."

"That's sick!"

"Yeah, well you're only saying that 'cause you can't get pleasure from your wife!" He snapped defensively.

"YOU HAD TO BRING THAT UP, _DIDN'T YOU!?"_ He roared.

"Hey HEY! What's going on here!?" Joining the group came in Mort, rubbing his head. "I was just on my way to the pharmacy and heard all this, argh I'm gonna get SUCH a migraine!"

"Mort, none of the Griffins came to the pharmacy this past week, have they??" Joe demanded, ignoring his horny neighbor.

"Actually, no, they haven't. And Neil says he hasn't seen Meg or Chris at school either."

"What, Lois is gone!?" Quagmire gasped, suddenly panicked, "Oh dear god, where'd she go!?"

"Excuse me?" Stepping out of the bushes came a young man dressed in a butler's attire, "I've come from the Pewtershmidt Mansion to bring a collect call. Are any of the Griffins present?"

"Uh…no?" Joe said.

"Then I'll leave this to you." He replied, handing the cop a cell phone. Joe held it against his ear to only find it was on speaker when the phone's owner began talking.

"Hey, Lois, your mom and I are in Florida now in some peasant's tourist shop for the heck of it. I tried calling you on both your house phone and your cell phone, but no one's picked up so I hired some butler from my place just to find you. Anyway, I need opinions on which shirt would suit you better. One says 'My husband is a burden', and the other one says, 'Where can I get a better man?"

"Er-Mr. Pewtershmidt, this is Lois's neighbor, Joe Swanson."

"Oh yeah, the cripple?"

"….._Yes. _Lois and the others haven't been here all week."

"Huh. Well, then where the hell are they?"

The six (one currently in Florida) stood there in an awkward silence, confused as to what was going on. Then, from out of nowhere a light rumbling from the ground came.

"What was that?" Herbert asked.

The rumbling came again, but a little louder and harder, making it hard for everyone to keep their balance.

"Woah-WOAH!!" Guagmire spazzed, _"What's going on!?"_

_"A-Are we getting an earthquake!?"_ Mort stammered.

The rumbling came again, and this time, Joe caught a blur of something big, white, and scaly of a tail flying from above.

"What is that!?" He cried as the thing gave a screech and stretched out across the street to hit Cleveland's house, sending a great chunk of the walls apart. This revealed the disturbed man in his bath tub.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" He cried. The floor that held him began to tip forward out of the gaping hole, "No-no-no-no-_**NOOO!"**_

With a CRASH, the bath-tub with him in it slid out and onto the ground outside the house, shattering it to pieces.

**"….AW, COME ON!!"** He roared, "Even when they've been gone for a week, **THIS STILL HAPPENS EVERY TIME I TAKE A FREAKING BATH!!"**

_"Attention, Quahog!"_

All of Spooner Street's inhabitants, and all other citizens around the town crept out of their houses and or buildings, startled by the disruption, but only to meet something far by worse.

Casting a menacing shadow over the entire town was a large, something-hundred feet tall snake, pale white and scaly as it's tail, hissing and screeching over them. Sitting on the head was it's master, along with a few others unrecognizable from the distance afar. One of them held a megaphone for the leader.

"I would like to see your Kage!!" He cried out.

The townsfolk's fear turned to confusion, as they looked at each other, wondering what a 'kage' was.

"…Er, what was that?" He whispered, as a tiny unrecognizable figure told something to him ,"…Oh, right, right, the ways of your village….I would like to see your mayor!!"

"You have my attention, villain!!" Stepping out of a black car came an overly confident Adam West, with his own megaphone, "What sort of negotiations do you plan to make with us, fiend!?"

"Negotiations? Haha, oh no. Seeing as to how your village is weak and your oddly dressed shinobi possess no chakra, theres no need for negotiations."

Several of Quahog sprang up questions.

_"Village?" "Shinobi?" "Chakra?" "What is this, one of those loser animes?"_

The last question, sent by the popular Connie Demico, caused the snake to whip it's tail at her, sending the screaming girl sky-high.

"What do you mean by no need for negotiations?" Mayor West interrogated.

"No negotiations as in, 'screw listening to you! I have the upper-hand, and therefore, will destroy many of you and take your village for my own!' _**BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"**_

"Oh no!!" A woman cried, others following her.

_"Oh no!"_

_"Oh no..."_

_"Oh no!!"_

_**"OH-YEAHHHHH!!!"**_

Everybody turned to the Kool-aid man who had crashed right through a random building. He earned many stares for his random outburst, making him slowly back away silently.

"…ATTACK!!" Oro cried.

_**"ROOOOAARRRR!!"**_ The snake roared as he threw his body around, destroying dozens of buildings and sending the people on a frenzy.

_"AHHH!!"_

_"Oh my god, WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!"_

_"It's an early 2012!!"_

_"I wanted to go to Vegas like they did in the Hangover!!"_

During the first few minutes of the Snake's rampage, Joe reunited with his police forces, all had guns and tanks pointing up at the beast.

"OPEN FIRE!!" He cried, as bullets and missiles shot out wildly. Several were struck down at them by the snake's tail, but a few lodged into it's side, making him screech in agony.

"Persistent, eh?" Oro sneered, rubbing his chin. "Sound Four! Unleash hell!!"

Four figures jumped down from above, opening some strange rolls of parchment and making strange hand-signs.

"What are they doing…?" Joe tensed, hiding behind a half-destroyed tank. Several 'poofs' exploded from they're scrolls, and just like that, hundreds of weapons- kana, shuriken, swords, axes, and more- were raining down upon the town. Either they planted themselves in cars, roads, screaming runaways, or buildings.

"We need back-up! Back-up is urgent!! Back-up is-"

He had no time to move as he caught a flash of several swords coming at him.

Stab.

_**"AGHHHHHHhhhh**_- huh?"

He stopped screaming. No pain? He looked down, to see that they all had happened to only land in his lower body, waist down.

_"…..Of course…."_

"HALT!!"

The four attackers landed around all of the policemen and military workers left in the area. The only girl in their group, with bright red hair wearing a tunic like the rest, pulled out a flute.

_"I'll play you the melody of death!!" _She cackled, as she blew into it, an 80's tune coming out. All others knew this tune, and in horror, they fell to the ground, covering their ears in pain.

_"Oh no..."_

_"She's playing…"_

_"DEAD OR ALIVE??"_

The man of the sound four, who had dark-tanned skin and several arms coming out of his body, took out a microphone per hand, and sung into all of them.

_**"You spin me right round, baby right round! **_

_**Like a record, baby-**_

_**Right round round round!**_

_**You spin me right round, baby right round! **_

_**Like a record, baby-**_

_**Right round round round~!!!"**_

_**"NOOOOOoooooo!!!!"**_ Joe cried as he toppled out of his chair.

"YES!!!" Orochimaru cried triumphantly,** "FEAR MEEEE!!!! AHAHAHAHA!!!"**

_**"You spin me right round, baby right round…~"**_

* * *

_**"…Like a record, baby, right round round round…"**_

"Griffin-San?"

"Huh? Oh sorry, got this song stuck in my head."

"What I was saying is you have a visitor." The nurse spoke as she walked over to the door. A worried-struck Lois came running in.

"Oh, Peter! Are you alright??"

"Meh, the same." Peter shrugged. He was lying in a bed in the small room of the village's hospital. He was wrapped in bandages and casts all over his body except for the face. Other than all of these wounds and him being obese, he was the same as usual, in other words, 'completely fine.' Naruto sat nearby in a chair, having fallen asleep.

"The same!? Look at you, you're a complete wreck! Argh, I KNEW I shouldn't have let you done this!!"

"Relax, Lois, it was the same chicken that comes out of nowhere and wastes two minutes of an episode for a destructive battle."

"I don't care if it was the same chicken or a different one! What if it was Chris or Meg who were in the same fate!?"

"Chris is a strong boy, and Meg's a manly man like that."

"MEG ISN'T A MAN!!"

"Really?"

"Is everything alright?" Kakashi came in with the rest of Team 7, followed by Tsunade.

"No, of course not!!" Lois snapped. I thought you guys said this was a C-rank mission? You said nothing remotely life-threatening happens on these kind of missions!"

"Yes, that is true." Kakashi sighed. "Unless the person in need lies about what needs to be done."

"Lies!?"

"We had an incident when we started out as genin." Sasuke spoke out, "A fisherman named Tazuna wanted to be escorted back to the Land Hidden In the Waves, just in case."

"It started out as a C-ranked mission at first." Sakura frowned.

"When it seemed to have slipped his mind that not mentioning hired rogue ninjas and mobs coming after him was what would've changed it to B-rank or higher." Kakashi finished darkly.

"What!?" Lois gasped.

"He didn't have the money to offer for better protection of higher ranked shinobi." Sakura shrugged.

"Well…so what?" They all turned to see Naruto was up, "We all made it out of one piece, didn't we?"

"Yeah, except maybe, oh I don't know, Kakashi sensei's body getting shredded and Sasuke-kun nearly dying!!" Sakura retorted.

An awkward silence issued, and Peter broke it with a _"Burnnnn…."_

"Not to mention Naruto's seal starting to break." Kakashi quietly mumbled under his breath.

"So overall, these things that happen are quite rare." Tsunade started. "But Mr. Griffin, what you've done on this first mission of yours was reckless, unnecessary, foolish, and not only life-threatening to yourself-but to the village around you!!"

Peter cringed in fear, and in Lois's mind she was hoping the Hokage would say something that would kick Peter out from being a shinobi, and back where he was safe.

"……But despite that what all happened out there was unexpected, you defeated your foe as a genin with no ninja-experience what so ever."

Lois's jaw dropped, and Peter smirked.

"Well what can I say? I'm just kick-ass like that."

"WOO-HOO!" Naruto cheered.

"We sent out some anbu to take the body, but by the time they got there he had vanished." She said serious again, "Which means either whoever sent him took the body back…"

Her face grew dark and mysterious-

_**"….Or he's alive…."**_

"Ah, he always comes back, I'm used to it right now." Peter shrugged.

"The last person to see him was a shop owner, and she seemed to recognize the wound on his back that had finished him was a bullet wound", She added, "As a ninja, our pride is in sharp pointy weapons-not guns. You didn't finish him with a gun, now did you, Peter?"

He stared at her for an odd moment, before glancing back at Naruto. The boy had his head down and looked saddened by disgrace.

"…Yeah, and so what if I did?"

Naruto's head popped back up, eyes fill with gratitude.

_"Peter!" _Tsunade boomed.

"Alright alright, I get it, ninja's are too much of wusses to fire a gun."

"I don't want to see you using a gun. It's very disgraceful as a ninja!"

"Well, apparently, you've never seen Full Metal Alchemist…"

"They're not ninjas!"

"Haven't you seen the first two episodes!? The priest has freaking guns with him!"

"NO, I haven't!" She snapped back, marching right out of the room.

"…Well I don't know about you, but she should watch it or read the thing. Very heartrending."

"Just get better soon before we get another mission." Kakashi groaned as he followed the leader.

"Come on, Naruto, lets let him rest." Sakura sighed skipping after Sasuke who took his leave.

"See you, Peter!" He waved happy yet again, running out of the room.

"Ah, alls end that ends well." Peter sighed as he sat back and turned on the TV in the corner of the room with his remote. "Wonder what they'll have on besides Full House."

While he scanned through networks, a tune came out of Lois's pocket.

"What was that?" He asked, eyes still glued to the screen.

"My cell-phone. I got a new ringtone." She said as she opened it. "I haven't really had it on since we got here, but I just brought it along in case I needed to check anything…Oh! A message from Daddy!"

With a beep, she turned it on, "Hello?"

_"Lo…i…..GAHH, stupid AT&T NETWORK!!" _Roared Carter Pewterschmidt from the other line, "LOIS, ARE YOU THERE!??"

"Calm down Daddy, of course!" She replied, trying to calm down her high pressure-blooded father, "Is anything ok?"

"Ok? OK!? YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR A WEEK, NO WORD, NOTHING-"

"Daddy, I'm sorry! Peter just suddenly took us on a vacation-"

"Oh, oh, of course! _How shocking it must be for it to be his fault!!" _He remarked with a major hint of sarcasm.

"Hi, Mr. Pewterschmidt!" Peter greeted happily.

_"GO TO HELL!!_ Lois, do you realize I've been worried sick about you!?"

"Daddy, we've been over this, I'm a grown women, you don't need to know whether I'm in Quahog or any other place in the world!"

"Yeah, uh _actually_, when it comes to your daughter's town being attacked and completely destroyed to nothing but dust, it'd be reassuring to know she's elsewhere and **ALIVE."**

"Yeah, well…wait….what?"

"Hey, look, Lois, they've got our News Station!" Peter exclaimed, pointing at the TV. The static on screen was unusually fuzzy then it was in any news special, but eventually it faded revealing the two hosts for Quahog's news channel. And yet for an unknown reason, they're clothes appeared to be slightly torn.

"Good Evening, I'm Tom Tucker."

"And I'm Dianne Simmons."

"Our first news update is IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!_** ALL WE KNOW AND LOVE AND CARE FOR IS ALL BEING DESTROYED AT THIS VERY HOUR-"**_

Anchorman Tom was cut off as Dianne picked up the desk they sat at and smashed it at her partner's face, knocking him out and out of the chair.

"And before Tom loses his sanity, we'll now move to Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa for the news report on the attack on Quahog."

"Oh my god!!" Lois cried.

"It's just like Haiti!!" Peter gasped.

The screen flashed in it's way of static to the asian reporter, clothes too ripped, in front of several destroyed buildings now rocks, some in flames, and lines of the newly homeless lurking about.

"I'm here, Dianne, and behind me this morning was our regular daily town, now completely teared down by terrorists riding what was a giant snake, who called themselves shinobi from the Village Hidden In the Rain."

"Ah, and the followers on the attack also happened to be asian, which means you must know plenty of this, Trisha." Dianne replied.

"If you're assuming I'm also part on this terrorist attack, then no, Dianne, you Americans are judgmental like that. But I do know the term 'shinobi' is ninja, so all that attacked us must be from a village in Japan ran by Ninjas."

"I see, I see. And now we'll move on to Ollie Williams for the report on the attackers. Ollie?"

The screen now showed the size of a town was the big white snake, unidentified figures on top.

**"THEY-BEEN-KILLIN-STUFF!!" **Cried the african-american on the side.

"Is that what they've been doing?"

**"YEAH, BUT-NOW-THEY-STOPPED!"**

"And why is that, Ollie?"

**"SOME-SPECIAL-ANNOUNCENT-THEY-GONNA-GIVE!"**

"Thanks, Ollie."

"P-Peter…these shinobi terrorists" Lois looked horrified, her dad had already hung up, "…y-you don't think they're..?"

"Oh, I know, Lois." He said darkly, "….They're the guys who ripped me off of my bet from the SuperBowl!"

"…What? NO, you idiot!! These are the guys who attacked Konoha, and that leader of theirs must have been the one killed the previous Hokage!"

"HOLY CRAP!!" He gasped.

Distraught, they turned off the TV, wanting to not see anymore. But back in Quahog, there were tons for them to see. As Orochimaru sat on his Snake's head with much pride, Stewie shared the same expression. Appearing in a poof next to them was the grumpy-looking Kabuto, a teddy bear in his hand.

"Here's your stupid stuffed lover, or whatever…"

"Oh, Rupert!" Stewie cheered, glomping (ew) his toy, "We're finally together again! And at world's DOMINATION!!! _**MWAHAHAHA!"**_

"Hey!" Orochimaru snapped at him, "I'm the one who starts the evil maniacal laughter! Now be quiet so I may speak."

Kabuto held the megaphone to his master, who coughed, then spoke.

"Citizens of the Village Hidden In the Clams-"

"IT'S QUAHOG, _YOU PRICK!!" _A battle-torn Joe, out of his wheel-chair yelled from below.

"Will now take control of the village, and declare it as…OTAGAKURE…_THE SECOND_…!"

"That's stupid!!" Cleveland yelped, hiding with several others under Quagmire's RV.

"YOUR'E STUPID! Anyway, this village is only for shinobi with the most dominant on levels of chakra, which means I'm kicking you all out!"

"Woah-woah-woah, just what the HELL??" Bruised Quagmire replied from inside the RV, "This place was where I first got laid, and it's gonna be the place where I DIE getting it!!"

"YEAHH!!" Others cried, followed by several _'Gross..'_

"Well, thats a shame, cause I'll kill you anyway, and if you wanna die doing…that, then I'll gladly hook you up with Tayuya."

"HEY!" The girl with the flute snapped.

"Heheh, _giggity_." Quag smirked.

"Well, where will we live?" Bonnie asked, a bowl hanging from her stomach for unborn baby protection.

"Yes, yes…" He was very glad they had asked that, and nudged Kabuto in the ribs to start speaking. With a grunt, he did.

"Well, if only there was some village of enemies of ours, with the same strength such as us that you could live…and uh,team up with."

Others murmured comments such as _"Yeah…" "Sure, why not?" "I guess that'd be nice..."_

"Well then, here you go!" Oro cheered as he threw to the ground hundreds of brochures, similar to the one Peter had picked up the day he decided to move.

"We've got the fools eating right out of the palms of our hands!" Stewie told his partner, "Um, cept not really, 'cause that would be kinda gross. But, anyway, didn't I tell you this would work?"

"Indeed you did, Stewart, we were smart enough to let you join us. Isn't that right, Kabuto?"

"Meh…" The servant grumbled.

"And now, we're closer to gaining what we truly we want…" The snake man sneered, looking hungry in his demoniacal way....

_"Ahem."_ Stewie looked anxious.

"….Ah, right. **MWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!"**

_**"HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!"**_

_**"HEEHHEHEHEHHEHHEHEHEHEHEH!!" **_The Sound Four laughed along with them.

Kabuto opened his mouth, and the others glared at him.

"….Hah…..ha…ha…_ha…."_

* * *

_That's right, people. NO cutaways in this chapter. I was in a rush, no mood to think of one, and like i said, they're one of the reasons i'm slow at updating. They'll be back, don't worry! Sorry bout any racist jokes (Takanawa and OLLIEEEE), disgusting jokes (Quagmire and Herbert the Pervert), and you know I wasn't being bad against Haiti. Why, I donated $3 for them!_


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